Girls and higher reasoning.

"Your friend is so nice. I like him."

"I know. He specializes in being shallow and nice, so girls will like him. That's what makes girls about as smart as animals: They are so easy to train - just pet them on their head and they'll like you. You can often see this shallow understanding in lower animals, while it takes a human being to understand things like "intention" or complex situations."

"So you think I'm just a lower animal? Well I don't like you!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey - I didn't mean it like that. You're not like that. You're smart and pretty, and that's why I love you."

"Oh, okay. I like you."

Stupid bitch.

>>1
1. Place your anus up against your pool inward pump. If you are too poor to have a pool, use your vacuum cleaner. If you are too poor to have a vacuum cleaner, put your head in the oven immediately.
2. Wait awhile, then lift up. If done succesfully, your rectum and lower intestine should have started to come out.
3. Continue to pull it out until you have a nice little rope going. Don't worry about the mess, it'll be taken care of in the last step.
4. Go to your ceiling fan. If you are too poor for a ceiling fan, anything high up will do.
5. Standing on a stool, tie your intestine securely around the fan. Loop it twice around your neck for added stability.
6. Kick the stool out from under you.
7. ???????
8. Profit.