Help me get back at these bastards!

Hi all

This thread is about breaking the law. I want to get back at some neighbours who have pissed me off.

A few months ago a large tree was cut down in our backyard next to the fence. At frist we thought it had just fallen down but upon closer inspection we saw that it had infact been cut down during the night (using a saw). It was obvious that the neighbours had done this from their side of the fence. Thus we rang the police, but there wasn't much we could do as we had no proof.

The incident would have been forgotten but a month or two later another tree was cut down whilst we were all away. We tried the council this time but they did fuck all about it. The neighbours seem to have done it because they are currently renovating their house.

So the point of this thread is to devise ways to get back at these bloody neighbours without being caught. Im thinking throwing eggs at their house from a car, but does anyone have any better ideas.

Remember, the plan is to do something that I cannot be caught doing.

If your neighbours have a pretty standard letterbox, do what I did. When I couldn't put up with my neighbour's bullshit any longer, I stole his letterbox in the dead of night. It was one of those decades-old wooden jobs stuck into the ground on a post and it was falling to pieces. Instead of ditching the letterbox in adjoining bushland, however, I stashed it in my shed and, as was customary in those days, went back to manufacturing CO2-bulb bombs.

I'd more or less forgotten about that little escapade when, a few days later, I saw my neighbour putting up a beautiful metal letterbox painted fire engine red, with extravagant gold numbering, a newspaper tube and flowery gold trim all over it. My first thought was of putting my improvised explosive devices to good use and blowing that letterbox to smithereens, but such a course of action seemed almost boorish and unrefined: much too obvious and sorely lacking in originality. A much more devious plan emerged within my mind.

That night I got out the trusty ninja gear (black ski mask, black sneakers, black tracky dacks, black long sleeve shirt, black gloves - even black socks) once again and went to work.

The next day, I waited for the characteristic sound of the postie's bike, then went to my front window to stealthily observe my neighbour. With characteristic self import, he marched up his driveway only to be greeted by a wholly unexpected sight. Gone was the red and gold letterbox that he'd laboured to install the previous day - the beautiful and expensive letterbox that was like a beacon to all mailmen and was sure to have been a talking point among the nieghbours. In its place was the ramshackle, termite-ridden wooden letterbox which had served him so faithfully for many years past.

The look of puzzlement on his face was priceless - he even scratched his head thoughtfully for a second or two - but as he turned and marched back into the house it was plain that puzzlement had been replaced by rage. A short while later the cops showed up, presumably to take a statement from my neighbour - I didn't pay too much attention, though, because my fingerprints weren't on that letterbox and the five-oh never paid me a visit.

After that I thought my neighbour would get the hint and stop being a rude prick, especially to my mum, whom he'd called some seriously offensive names. But alas, he continued to act like a fucking arsehole, so I figured it was time to step things up a bit. What followed was a week-long campaign of eggings and flour bombings of both his house and his prized urban 4WD, and a succession of 3am raids in which I used a large calibre glove gun to launch dozens upon dozens of fishing sinkers and 1 cent coins onto his corrugated Colourbond roof. The coup de grace came with the deployment of one of my CO2 bombs, calculated to damage (but not obliterate)that wooden letterbox, which was left twisted and malformed and hanging off its post by a solitary nail.

In the end I'm not sure if my neighbour reformed his ways, because a buyer made an offer on our house and we moved out soon after. But exacting revenge - however petty - for that guy's prickery sure was satisfying.

If they have a pool, lob in a few kg's of potassium permanganate

I've got a copy of Sonic Heroes you can give them.