Name: Anonymous 2007-07-24 11:06 ID:3yobOf9w
This is what happens if we watch Tv a little too much.
Joe Bixley was a fat, ungrateful, wife-beating, lazy slob who only cared about Tv more than anything. He had a beautfiul, young, sexy wife and he often beat her in case she interrupted his show. Joe often ignored her needs and made love to the Tv instead of her. Any normal woman wouldve left him in a heartbeat, but Joe's wife was used to it, secretly hoping that the Tv would eat him alive and give her some peace.
Joe often called the Tv pet names and treated it like a housewife and talked to it. Normal people had even stayed far away from his house, although some pitied his wife, who had endured his harsh behavior. He'd often get the names of Tv characters wrong, Like Margaret Houlihan from M*A*S*H, which he called her, "Hooligan."
One day, Bixley was sitting down to watch Tv and he turned the switch on. A woman was tap-dancing and she stopped all of a sudden and looked at him. "Get out of here, Bixley!" She glared at him. "Get out of here, Bixley!" "Shut up!" He grabbed the woman and shook her and snapped her neck, killing her.
"Let go of her, Bixley." A cowboy sauntered onto the stage and shot him in the eye, blood splattering out like fat from the pan. Bixley howled as his eye socket was violently bleeding. "BOYS!" Called out the cowboy. Suddenly, the Tv switched onto an army movie. "Let's go, boys!" A rifle blasted onto his knee, loud cracking of the bones could be heard. "AAAAAAAH!" Bixley howled out in extreme pain.
"Git 'er done, boys!" An officer yelled. A cannon came out of the Tv and blew off one of Bixley's legs. The fallen limb kicking and rolling around. "URGH!" Bixley screamed as the pain got worse. Suddenly, it changed to a commerical. "Hello, Mr. Bixley. Would you like some Mr. Clean?" She dumped it all over his knee. "OH, SHIT!" Bixley shook his head wildly.
Then the Tv changed to a fix-it show. "And here we are, How to zap a man in the nads." A wire came out and zapped Bixley in the nads. "GURKAH!" He gasped in pain. Suddenly, he was dragged into the Tv and landed on a stretcher. "Get this man to the OP room, stat!" Dr. Hawkeye grinned at him. "Don't worry, Bixley, You're getting exactly what you deserve..." He laughed evilly.
They arrived at the OP room. "Saw off his leg!" Hawkeye barked. "Got the guest of honor right here," Hunnicut giggled like a madman, holding a saw. "She's ready, Hawk, baby!" "NO!" Bixley howled. "LET ME GO!" "Calm down, Bixley, we haven't even started yet." Hawkeye snipped.
"Doctors, May I interject?" Margaret walked towards them with a scalpel. "Oh, thank god! Margaret Hooligan!" Bixley yelped for joy. "The name's Houlihan!" She slammed the scalpel into his other eye, ripping out the eye as the blood squirted all over them. "An eye for an eye, eh, Margaret?" Hawkeye laughed.
"Shut up and get to work, Pierce." Col. Blake snapped. "AAAAAAAAAAH!" Bixley howled in intense pain. "Ah, clam up, Bixley. You're just lucky Margaret's not doing this, otherwise you'll be quite a mess." Hunnicut snipped. "Now, let's get back to work on the ol' boy. Hehehehe!" Hawkeye cackled and had a look on his face that made him look like an insane man.
"NOOOOOO!" Bixley howled, then suddenly, he was no longer in M*A*S*H, but somewhere else. "HELP ME!" Bixley screamed at the top of his lungs. "IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!" "AARGH!" Bixley felt his other leg sliced off. "Eat that, you human bastard!" Inuyasha growled.
"AAGH!" Bixley found himself in yet another world. "Shut up!" Cartman shouted. "GOD!" He slammed the door. "HELP ME!" Bixley screamed. Cartman opened the door and glared at him. "Look, guy. I'm trying to watch Inuyasha! Now shut the hell up!" Bixley grabbed him and rubbed his butt against his face. "Oh, god!" "YOU SICK ASSHOLE!" Cartman screamed. He farted upon his face. "OH GOD!"
Bixley screamed as he was kicked in the nuts. "DARRRH!" Suddenly, he landed on something soft. "PIKACHU!" "AAAAAH!" Bixley screamed as he was shocked. "GET OFF MY PIKACHU!" Ash yelled. "Nooo!" Bixley whimpered. Suddenly, the Tv switched to a slasher flick. "Hello, fatty!" Freddy Kruger grinned. He raked his claws on his chest. "AAH!" Bixley howled. "HAHAHA!" Kruger giggled.
Then the Tv sent him into a giant grinder. "OH MY GOD!" screamed Bixley as the grinder ate away his body slowly. His organs were being crushed and his bones were turning into grits. "GARGH!" He vomited out his heart and lungs out and shook his head wildly. "GAAAARGKAAH!" He let out a death cry and his body fell out into bloody piles of meat and bones. Then filthy, dirty rats began to eat the dead Bixley.
"Bixley is dead!" Cried a voice and others joined in. "BIXLEY IS DEAD! BIXLEY IS DEAD!" The Tv turned off as his wife came in. "Joe? Joe? Where are you?" The Tv turned on and Hawkeye walked towards her. "Hey, Baby..." She looked at him. "Wanna join in? There's room for one more."
Bixley's wife looked at the Tv, then hopped in. "Take me away, Hawkeye..." She smiled at him. "Take me away." With that, the two went inside the Tv and it turned off.
The End?
Joe Bixley was a fat, ungrateful, wife-beating, lazy slob who only cared about Tv more than anything. He had a beautfiul, young, sexy wife and he often beat her in case she interrupted his show. Joe often ignored her needs and made love to the Tv instead of her. Any normal woman wouldve left him in a heartbeat, but Joe's wife was used to it, secretly hoping that the Tv would eat him alive and give her some peace.
Joe often called the Tv pet names and treated it like a housewife and talked to it. Normal people had even stayed far away from his house, although some pitied his wife, who had endured his harsh behavior. He'd often get the names of Tv characters wrong, Like Margaret Houlihan from M*A*S*H, which he called her, "Hooligan."
One day, Bixley was sitting down to watch Tv and he turned the switch on. A woman was tap-dancing and she stopped all of a sudden and looked at him. "Get out of here, Bixley!" She glared at him. "Get out of here, Bixley!" "Shut up!" He grabbed the woman and shook her and snapped her neck, killing her.
"Let go of her, Bixley." A cowboy sauntered onto the stage and shot him in the eye, blood splattering out like fat from the pan. Bixley howled as his eye socket was violently bleeding. "BOYS!" Called out the cowboy. Suddenly, the Tv switched onto an army movie. "Let's go, boys!" A rifle blasted onto his knee, loud cracking of the bones could be heard. "AAAAAAAH!" Bixley howled out in extreme pain.
"Git 'er done, boys!" An officer yelled. A cannon came out of the Tv and blew off one of Bixley's legs. The fallen limb kicking and rolling around. "URGH!" Bixley screamed as the pain got worse. Suddenly, it changed to a commerical. "Hello, Mr. Bixley. Would you like some Mr. Clean?" She dumped it all over his knee. "OH, SHIT!" Bixley shook his head wildly.
Then the Tv changed to a fix-it show. "And here we are, How to zap a man in the nads." A wire came out and zapped Bixley in the nads. "GURKAH!" He gasped in pain. Suddenly, he was dragged into the Tv and landed on a stretcher. "Get this man to the OP room, stat!" Dr. Hawkeye grinned at him. "Don't worry, Bixley, You're getting exactly what you deserve..." He laughed evilly.
They arrived at the OP room. "Saw off his leg!" Hawkeye barked. "Got the guest of honor right here," Hunnicut giggled like a madman, holding a saw. "She's ready, Hawk, baby!" "NO!" Bixley howled. "LET ME GO!" "Calm down, Bixley, we haven't even started yet." Hawkeye snipped.
"Doctors, May I interject?" Margaret walked towards them with a scalpel. "Oh, thank god! Margaret Hooligan!" Bixley yelped for joy. "The name's Houlihan!" She slammed the scalpel into his other eye, ripping out the eye as the blood squirted all over them. "An eye for an eye, eh, Margaret?" Hawkeye laughed.
"Shut up and get to work, Pierce." Col. Blake snapped. "AAAAAAAAAAH!" Bixley howled in intense pain. "Ah, clam up, Bixley. You're just lucky Margaret's not doing this, otherwise you'll be quite a mess." Hunnicut snipped. "Now, let's get back to work on the ol' boy. Hehehehe!" Hawkeye cackled and had a look on his face that made him look like an insane man.
"NOOOOOO!" Bixley howled, then suddenly, he was no longer in M*A*S*H, but somewhere else. "HELP ME!" Bixley screamed at the top of his lungs. "IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!" "AARGH!" Bixley felt his other leg sliced off. "Eat that, you human bastard!" Inuyasha growled.
"AAGH!" Bixley found himself in yet another world. "Shut up!" Cartman shouted. "GOD!" He slammed the door. "HELP ME!" Bixley screamed. Cartman opened the door and glared at him. "Look, guy. I'm trying to watch Inuyasha! Now shut the hell up!" Bixley grabbed him and rubbed his butt against his face. "Oh, god!" "YOU SICK ASSHOLE!" Cartman screamed. He farted upon his face. "OH GOD!"
Bixley screamed as he was kicked in the nuts. "DARRRH!" Suddenly, he landed on something soft. "PIKACHU!" "AAAAAH!" Bixley screamed as he was shocked. "GET OFF MY PIKACHU!" Ash yelled. "Nooo!" Bixley whimpered. Suddenly, the Tv switched to a slasher flick. "Hello, fatty!" Freddy Kruger grinned. He raked his claws on his chest. "AAH!" Bixley howled. "HAHAHA!" Kruger giggled.
Then the Tv sent him into a giant grinder. "OH MY GOD!" screamed Bixley as the grinder ate away his body slowly. His organs were being crushed and his bones were turning into grits. "GARGH!" He vomited out his heart and lungs out and shook his head wildly. "GAAAARGKAAH!" He let out a death cry and his body fell out into bloody piles of meat and bones. Then filthy, dirty rats began to eat the dead Bixley.
"Bixley is dead!" Cried a voice and others joined in. "BIXLEY IS DEAD! BIXLEY IS DEAD!" The Tv turned off as his wife came in. "Joe? Joe? Where are you?" The Tv turned on and Hawkeye walked towards her. "Hey, Baby..." She looked at him. "Wanna join in? There's room for one more."
Bixley's wife looked at the Tv, then hopped in. "Take me away, Hawkeye..." She smiled at him. "Take me away." With that, the two went inside the Tv and it turned off.
The End?