jogging sucks

so i want to become an athlete because i'm tired of being fat and lazy all day.  so i start reading up on exercising and shit, and buy me some new shoes and start jogging around the block to get in shape.

half way around the block, my legs are ready to collapse on me.  i finally walk the rest of the way home and take my pulse, went up from a resting rate of 89bpm to 144bpm, even after walking the remainder of the trip.

also having trouble breathing.  coughing, wheezing, general no fun.

i want to be a cool athlete like i see in all the cool videos on the internet, but if i try jogging again, i think my heart will explode and then i will die.  should i bother trying again?

tl;dr: bawwww, exercise is hard.

haha. ride a bike to start.

bikes are expensive, and i'm so fat i'm afraid i might break it if i tried riding one.

Start by walking. Walk for at least 30 minutes every day. And when that becomes too easy, go faster. If that doesn't help, jog. And so on. That worked for me...

Start by walking. Walk for at least 30 minutes every day. And when that becomes too easy, go faster. If that doesn't help, jog. And so on. That worked for me...

walking slowly does nothing for me.  i can walk for hours easily without even taking a break.  so i tried walking fast around the block, my pulse rate shot up to 112bpm.  seems reasonable, far less chance of exploding.  don't know if i can manage for 30 minutes.

i'll see if i can keep it up for the week.  if i die, i'll know it was a bad idea.

start by sitting.  Sit up for at least 30 minutes every day.  And when that becomes too easy, sit longer.  If that doesn't help, stand up.  And so on.  That worked for me.

sitting's dangerous.  i'm so fat i break chairs if i sit on them for too long.  and the floor's uncomfortable.

get a job. buy bike. you can't possibly weigh enough to break the bike. if you do, JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.

Find a schoolyard field and lie down.  Roll around for a while.  It's pretty good for you, and feels great as you enjoy the planet in that manner.

THIS POST IS OBVISOULY A JOKE! IF NOT >>9 IS CORRECT!

resting pulse rate of 89? sucks to be you

start by running 30 seconds followed by 2 minutes of walking. repeat this 5 times. if you can't breathe, run slower. run two to three times a week. after 2-3 weeks run a 1 minute followed by 1.5 minutes of walking. keep building this up. this is how I turned from a fat guy who couldn't run more than 20 seconds into a chubby guy who can run 30 minutes without stopping. all this in a couple of months.