Perl is THE BEST language EVER conceived

Why would anyone ever want to use any other interpreted programming language? Perl is easy to learn and highly effective when mastered. It may be slow but I don't know of an interpreted programming language that isn't. HELL, it's so good that it's the PRIMARY scripting language for irssi, the best IRC client that this world has yet to see.

I agree with this actually.
Well, more or less.
Shell scripting is still better for simple things.

Perl is write-only.

I write a lot of Perl and I'd have to disagree with you.  Granted, that's not to say it's bad.  It gets a lot of things correct.  I think you'd have to write a lot of Perl to understand what I mean.