If programming languages were girls

Java would be a boring brunette that talks a lot but doesn't say much.  She has a couple extra pounds on her and she's not the quickest of the bunch, nor the prettiest, but she's stable, won't change much and you can have a long healthy relationship with her.

C would be a bombshell blonde.  She's got looks, personality, and everyone agrees she's great.  She's a bit high maintenance, but she's worth the trouble.  You can grow old together with C and die a happy man.

C++ would be C's ugly sister.  She's got similar genetics to C, but she was in a horrible accident when she was young and her face is all disfigured now.  If your foolish enough to get into a relationship with her, she will drive you batshit crazy.  If something's bothering her, she will let you know by vomiting on your face.

Lisp would be that hippie chick that still thinks it's the 70's.  She keeps trying to get you to do acid with her so you can see "how the universe is all connected" or whatever.  She would probably be pretty cool if she washed her hair and decided to join society, but she's pretty stuck in her ways.

Your characterization of Lisp is terrible.

If Lisp were a girl, she would be the ghost of a maiden; an ethereal and holy spirit. You could not touch her or grasp her, but an air of warmth would cover you whenever she was near. In her eyes you would see wisdom and experience, even the wordly kind, which stands in contrast to the youthful, full and radiant form of her silhouette.

Lisp the virgin ghost would vaporize into nothing more than a fog, only to compress herself together again later into a different and more useful form.

You recall that you made yourself tea once, to drink while you sat and tried to figure out the best way to represent knowledge of raster algorithms. Once you had made the tea you took the kettle to your desk, but forgot any cups. You felt forgettful and frustrated, but just as soon as these petty thoughts came into your head, a warmth took you over! She was there. Your small bout of anxiety disappeared.

Lisp had turned into a tea cup, and you poured tea into her, and you drank from her and you were enlightened. So you thanked her ``Arigato, Lisp-san'' you spoke, and just as soon as you did you took the last sip of tea, and your cup disappeared, but the warmth remained.