We have lost

Today I realized that we lost. It's a sad moment when you see all the things that could have been but then finally couldn't because of the industry... that terroristic industry that is destroying everything we love, everything we believe, leaving the next generation with nothing but recycled, ENTERPRISE QUALITY ``frameworks'', quasi-object-oriented languages, pseudo-deterministic algorithms, Ruby, and simpering, saccharine, soulless JavaScript.

LISP is dead and the world have surrender to the /enterprise experience/
Haskell was our last resource, but we failed: strong typing and a purely functional philosophy was totally unintelligible for the developer-kind.

They won, the coders won. Henceforth we will only see thousands and thousands of JS AMD modules released in "GitHub" (that's how they call their land), Unit testing everywhere everyday, and infinite software engineering discussions in HackerNews.

Now there is no more hope for us, and there is only two paths left: exile outside of the network or suicide.

I wish you the best of luck,
 Commodore RedCream

It was a hot summer day and I was in my favourite Starbucks café sipping on my freshly squeezed juice mix. My gitlab forks were numbering 10000 and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 latte-drinking workout I called one of the bitches I know, Leah. She is really damn hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my iMessage and messaged her with a text almost 40 bytes long (this is an Apple service with special persistent server push WebSocket Comet system). I got onto the internet freeway near my house and threw my fixed-gear bicycle to its 8th gear, I hit about 6 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the ``most authentic'' barrier. As I was flooring it on the pollution-free zone like a modern responsible man, the Abelson called me and said he wanted me to conjure him. So be it.

I came to a full stop from 9 mph in front of his house. These longboards have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my casterboard and starts eyeballing my MacBook Air. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my MacBook Air. Reach out to the community.

Flash forward 10 minutes later. My 50 inch iMac is going inside of her carbon-neutral apartment, hitting them walls. I'm holding her entire attention up with my SlideShare iPad app demo as I'm subscribing her to my RabbitMQ queue and she has 30,000 messages per second. She looks me in the eyes and she says ``go mobile''. HTML5 just kicked in, yo. I blow my browser iFrame V8 JavaScript virtual sandbox so hard she falls off my instagram. There had to have been about zero people who gave a fuck about any of the above, I wouldn't disagree with them.

I throw her a WhatsApp message so she can be distracted while cleaning herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Mini Cooper and drive to a tech conference to recruit techies who would code in Erlang and Coffeescript for 60k/year.