Java golf

On the island of Java, professional golfers get paid by the stroke. Java golfers regularly hit the ball into sand traps so they can spend more time trying to get them out. When Java golfers hit the ball into a water hazard, they blame the ball and are paid extra to buy a new one. Java golfers deliberately putt around the hole to increase their score. Amateur Java golfers are looked down upon because they haven't figured out how to take as long on each hole as the professionals. A hole-in-one is the worst for Java golfers because it makes the hole look easy. The last thing Java golfers want is for anyone to think "Hey, I can do this too."

Scheme golf
On the island of Lisp, professional golfers get paid by the stroke. Instead of golfing, the Scheme golfers play checkers instead. This gains them no money, but at least they don't have to do any physical work, and they get to play the most challenging game that their minds can understand. They can hear the fun that the Common Lisp golfers and the Clojure golfers are having as balls fly around at supersonic speeds and hit their targets with unhuman perversion, but they scoff at the fools who choose fun and functionality over the academic game of checkers.