/prog/ramming Jokes Thread

Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yes.

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, that's a hardware problem

The joke is I define true == 2

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well,? says God, ?let us see if Jesus has fared any better."

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus? program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Everybody knows? Jesus saves."

Why programmers like UNIX:

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

Richard Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald Knuth engage in a discussion on whose impact on computer science was the greatest.

Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"

Torvalds: "Well, God told me that I have programmed the best operating system in the world!"

Knuth: "Wait, wait, I never said that."

   

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

If the box says, "This software requires Windows XP or better," does that mean it'll run on linux?

Q: What is the difference between a programmer and a non-programmer ?

A: The non-programmer thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes while a programmer is convinced that a kilometer is 1024 meters

Why doesn't C++ have a garbage collector?

Because there was, nothing would be left!

A Microsoft dev is walking down a walking path on campus when he hears a frog say, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful woman. We can get married, and I will be your loving wife forever". The geek and the frog stare at each other for a bit, and then he picks up the frog and gently places her in his front pocket. The frog sticks her head out and says "aren't you going to kiss me?"

"No" says the dev, "I work for Microsoft, I don't have time for a wife - but a talking frog is really cool!"

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?

A: Because he didn't get arrays.

"What do you mean, it needs comments!? If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand--why do you think we call it code???"

>>12
s/programmer/Cudder/

Q: What's the difference between Software Development and Sex?

A: In sex, you don't get a bonus for releasing early.

Q: How come there is not obfuscated Perl contest?

A: Because everyone would win.

Computers are high-speed idiots, programmed by low-speed idiots.

A son asked his father(a programmer) why the sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. His response?

It works, don't touch!

What do you call a programmer from Finland?

Nerdic.

"Why did Microsoft name their new search engine BING?"

"Because It's Not Google!"

Q: What's the difference between a computer and a woman?

A: A computer will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy.

>>20
shit