PHP is shit, JS is crap, so what is good?

If PHP and JS are bad, how am I supposed to be a good programmer?
Perl is even worse. What decent alternative can you present for scripting your websites?

>>7
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>2013
>NOT LE POSTING LE REDDIT MEMES
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD E/G/IN AS FUCK /G/RO

     ---> le greentext drop XDDDDDDDDD ------> '
>LEL
>XDDDDDDDDDD
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ISHIISHDFIHSDIFHSDIFHSDFH XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THAT WAS SO E/G/IN FOR THE /G/WIN, TRULY E/G/IN /G/ROSKY :0 XD