PHP is shit, JS is crap, so what is good?

If PHP and JS are bad, how am I supposed to be a good programmer?
Perl is even worse. What decent alternative can you present for scripting your websites?

>>25
Oh, for fuck's sake. That's just a shitty quote made by the creator of a shitty language which is trotted out by the fanboys of even shittier languages. Stop it. PHP has no redeeming qualities beyond taking 15 minutes rather than 30 minutes to deploy for the first time.