The only way to beat Jews

is to be a Jew. We should:

- Change our surnames to -berg, -stein, -man, etc.
- Identify ourselves as Jews

Before you think I'm crazy, think about it: if they can't figure out who's Jew and who's not Jew, they can't conspire against us!

>>1
The only way to beat criminals…

…is to be a criminal. We should:

- Change our surnames to kingpin monikers: -stein, -man, etc.
- Identify ourselves as criminals

Before you think I'm crazy, think about it: if they can't figure out who's a criminal and who's not a criminal, they can't rob and kill us!

The only way to beat touhous…

…is to be a touhou. We should:

- Become girls
- Dress up in silly outfits

Before you think I'm crazy, think about it: if they can't figure out who's a touhou and who's not a touhou, they can't shoot and game over us!

The only way to beat a chess champion…

…is to be a chess champion. We should:

- Change our surnames to grandmaster ones: -stein, -man, etc.
- Pretend we know a shitload about opening moves and can see a few boards in future.

Before you think I'm crazy, think about it: if they can't figure out who's a chess champion and who's not a chess champion, they can't outplay us!