Any decent modern general-purpose languages?

Assembly: Unportable. No standardised syntax.
Classical Visual Basic: Some good parts. Shit overall.
C: Shitty standard library. Deficient type system. Can't into Unicode. ``Unportable assembly.''
D and C++: Obfuscated boilerplate languages.
Java and C#: Forced OOP.
Common Lisp: Archaic cons-based library. Writing complex macros is a PitA due to the unlispy quotation syntaxes.
Scheme: CL without namespaces.
Clojure and Erlang: Concurrency is unneeded outside of a few very specific applications. Parallelism is where it's at.
OCaml: Great language, only one, deficient, implementation.
Haskell: Academic sex toy.
Forth: Reinventing the wheel over and over.
Ruby: Implicit declarations. Slow as fuck.
Python: Implicit declarations. FioC.
Perl: Brain damage.
PHP: Pretty much shit.
JavaScript: "" == false

It's impossible to list them all but, please, what decent modern general-purpose languages exist?

>>253
11/10

Seriously, ASM fucking sucks(x86 atleast) and using ASM in this age for anything really serious is fucking stupid.
Its not the point that ASM is or was powerfull, ASM was and is shit, its just that programmers of the old were fucking demi-gods that yet many of us could imagine to be real.

Some DOS games back in the time were way more innovative and creative then most games of today. Plus they had much lower budgets, less computing power, less help both personel wise and computer assistance wise.
And lots of them were writen in ASM and/or some obscure shitty language.