careeeeers

How can I into a job with Haskell, OCaml, F#, Lisp, or Erlang?

travel to the land of lisp

You'll most likely have to travel to the job. I doubt it'll come to you.

Just find something that uses a readable scripting language (FIOC comes to mind, and believe it or not, it can be readable!) or something.

There are a total of 10 Haskell jobs in the U.S, and 4 Lisp ones.

there are a lot of companies who will hire programmers who competent at functional languages. Despite the fact that everyone and their dog is learning functional programming, only a very elite minority can utilize functional languages for common programming tasks. Companies are going to continue to use conventional programming languages because they know those are the only languages people can use. The only programmers who get jobs with functional languages are graduate level programmers who have a body of work with which they can demonstrate to an employer what they can do.

case in point:
http://queue.acm.org/detail.cfm?id=2038036

mostly only High frequency trading firm are smart enough to do this. you better have tons of experience, a phd or a degree from ivy league

bampu pantsu