fucking hate reddit

Let me let you in on a secret: Most people on reddit don't want to be here. It's true! I mean, really, it's full of reposts, terrible jokes... If you use this site regularly, you're associating yourself with the kind of people who think it's funny to ask random strangers when the narwhal bacons. It takes a special kind of person to enjoy that.

A few years ago, the government realized that the prisons were filling up. To save money, they created a website that they could use to properly punish people without making them leave the house. They called it reddit.

While it is open to the public, the majority of the users are here for performing crimes. When you get caught, they put a special program on your computer that stops you from going to any site other than reddit or things that were linked to from reddit. This is why people joke about how "addicting" reddit is: They literally can't leave! There are two ways to "get out": Serve your sentence, or accumulate enough "karma" (didn't you always think that was kind of a funny name?) to convince the officials that you're a better person.

Most people go for the second option, since it tends to be faster than waiting. You probably know some of them. /u/andrewsmith1986? Murder of the first degree. /u/POTATO_IN_MY_ANUS? Arson. /u/Trapped_in_Reddit? We, uh... We don't talk about what he did.

The numbers in square brackets are a running joke among the prisoners. Since almost no one serves their full sentence, people would joke about how much longer they'd have to wait (when in reality, they'd be out long before that). It eventually became very streamlined. All people have to say is "I'm at a [6]." It's actually very easy to read:

Multiply 6 by 10 (that's 60, for those of you playing at home)

Stick a percent sign in front.

In our example, the user is approximately 60% through their sentence. If they've been around for a bit more than a year, we can guess that their original punishment was for two years.

Let me let you in on a secret: Most people on reddit don't want to be here.
We don't want you here either. See ya.

I have never visited that site before and do not intend to do so now.

Back to reddit please.

The Reddit community is too fickle. The power of moderation is mistakenly given to the masses. Serious questions about the Reddit community and site design get mocked, because it seems anything of importance is invalid with regards to healthy discussion. The site interface blows to the degree that they developed a plug-in for it rather than actually try to improve it. Nearly all of the images linked are hosted at imgur, where you need a separate login, instead of making a shared profile content delivery network. I literally have to visit one site to view an image, and another to view the discussion, instead of the two content sources being sourced by one decent platform. There is constant bickering about the quality of subreddits and their shitty users. The idiots keep telling people to "go back to Facebook" whenever it is brought to light that downvoting, while it has a purpose, is an abused and unchecked process, even though those people are one reason for people to have left Facebook in the first place. All in all, I'd sum it up by saying it's an old site that will never seem to have a valid, unbiased, well-maintained user base, and instead is basically a bunch of ridiculous, immature, morons. Fuck you Reddit. Fuck your Narwhal in its pestulent, abscessed ass crack. Scaphism wouldn't be horrible enough torture for you, as you already seem to have all the symptoms.

Im sure graham would turn in his grave if he was dead.