>>4
How do I push a cucumber into my ass and actually terrify it?
Programming isn't about terrifying a cucumber. It's about setting goals and figuring out what problems to solve (and then solving them, of course). You already grunted and the cucumber isn't in your ass yet, so obviously "terrifying a cucumber" is not the right problem to solve to get to your goal.
Picking which problems to solve when you're first learning to be a programmer is pretty fucking hard because it usually has to be something you actually care about, or you'll never solve it. So step one should be to ask yourself ``why the fuck do cucumbers have a capacity for terror?'' This question is also very important for deciding which language to use. You wouldn't hax your anus in Ruby or Python, and you really don't need a monstrosity like C++ for a script that just waterboards a bunch of radishes on your desktop.