If languages were vaginas

C - your grandma's, if your grandma was still hot when she was 80.
C++ - your mom's
C# - 30-something black broad
Perl - psycho cat lady pussy
Python - slut everyone fucked in high school
Java - that bitch with the glasses who won't shut up, keeps talking when you stick it in and even after you cum
APL - asian who can't speak english, very hairy
BASIC - FGM'ed circumcised african woman
COBOL - librarian pussy, only accessible through pantyhose
bash scripting - dunno keeps wearing costunes, a redhead
FORTRAN - your great grandmother

ASM - picture some psycho with cut up bits and pieces of a female trying to recreate a fleshlight, fucks really effciently though
Visual BASIC - Afghan women in burqas
Javascript - a fleshlight