Resume help

I can't get a job. After spending four years getting a degree in engineering I now realize that the degree is worthless.

Can someone do me a favor and make me a resume that claims I'm an expert programmer? Just make shit up. If I get hired for something I'll learn the needed programming languages before I start work.

>>25
There are no good money or higher education in Russia. Only raw commodities, extraction of which are under control of greedy jewish mafia families, who guard their rights with personal armies and security systems, akin to KGB.