Programming résumé

I'm going to quit NEETing and start my job hunt.
What's the most important things to put on my résumé? Should I include only the techs I know really well, or list stuff I have only tutorial-level knowledge of? Can you get away with bluffing to match the job requirements?

And I'll need your contact info, so one of you guys can attest to my two years of /prog/ experience and my ^B_Bcode mastery.

If a job asks for knowledge of a certain software product, they want actual experience using that product.  Sometimes you can swap by having experience using a similar piece of software, or have experience using "most" of the listed ones, but don't waste your time if you've never used any of the applications they've listed.  There's a good chance they'll hit you with mid-level routine stuff from the get-go while you're still stumbling.

Never lie about tutorial-level knowledge; you'll get chewed apart in the interview easily.

There's a good chance you'll learn the name of at least one staff member from half the recruiters and contracting agencies in 50 miles before you talk to one real company.

When the posting says "Senior (Sr.)," they really mean it.