Name: Anonymous 2011-02-08 8:40
Hey there /prog/!
So here's my story: I'm a java programmer at my friend's dad's coffee shop although I haven't heard from my friend in a while (who I'm very good friends with, it's how I got the job in the first place). I work as a tech support guy for their wifi systems and I also do a few other jobs such as cleaning the shop laptop and just making sure everything runs smoothly, nothing really challenging, your absolute most basic stuff, basically I get paid $11/hr to sit around and do nothing and I've been doing this for 4 years now.
Now my friend went off to college and I haven't spoken to him in quite a while and I'm getting really bad signals from his parents who obviously want me gone. Basically what I want is a job that is both intellectually stimulating and a good place to learn new skills, while I like sitting around doing nothing, I truly feel a person of my intellect and skill would be better suited working for a big company earning higher pay than what I do now.
For example, here's a problem I had to overcome:
I had the customer laptop handed back to me after an middle eastern looking customer left and he'd changed the language to Arabic. Now I Googled about and did the regular checks (Windows Search Bar + looking through Control Panel) and I couldn't find out how to do it and my friend's dad hates arabs (he barely made it through the man's visit without yelling at him to get out!) so I had to hide the laptop for a few days until I finally figured out that I needed to reinstall the Operating Systems onto the laptop. I did this and now the laptop works just fine with the English language pack.
I understand that Google or Microsoft might have the people that would cater to my intellectual needs. Please advise me on what I should do, /prog/!
So I want to get into the php thing because I hear that website programmers make good money but nobody wants to spend the time to learn java on those kinds of systems so I started reading about php and it looks kinda cool here's something I wrote:
So here's my story: I'm a java programmer at my friend's dad's coffee shop although I haven't heard from my friend in a while (who I'm very good friends with, it's how I got the job in the first place). I work as a tech support guy for their wifi systems and I also do a few other jobs such as cleaning the shop laptop and just making sure everything runs smoothly, nothing really challenging, your absolute most basic stuff, basically I get paid $11/hr to sit around and do nothing and I've been doing this for 4 years now.
Now my friend went off to college and I haven't spoken to him in quite a while and I'm getting really bad signals from his parents who obviously want me gone. Basically what I want is a job that is both intellectually stimulating and a good place to learn new skills, while I like sitting around doing nothing, I truly feel a person of my intellect and skill would be better suited working for a big company earning higher pay than what I do now.
For example, here's a problem I had to overcome:
I had the customer laptop handed back to me after an middle eastern looking customer left and he'd changed the language to Arabic. Now I Googled about and did the regular checks (Windows Search Bar + looking through Control Panel) and I couldn't find out how to do it and my friend's dad hates arabs (he barely made it through the man's visit without yelling at him to get out!) so I had to hide the laptop for a few days until I finally figured out that I needed to reinstall the Operating Systems onto the laptop. I did this and now the laptop works just fine with the English language pack.
I understand that Google or Microsoft might have the people that would cater to my intellectual needs. Please advise me on what I should do, /prog/!
So I want to get into the php thing because I hear that website programmers make good money but nobody wants to spend the time to learn java on those kinds of systems so I started reading about php and it looks kinda cool here's something I wrote:
<?php
$numberOne = 1;
$numberTwo = 2;
class Addition
{
function __construct()
{
$true = true;
$false = false;
// make REALLy sure our variables are correct!!!!!
for( $i = 0; $i < 200; $i++ ) {
if( $true !== true ) {
exit( 'OH NO' );
}
if( $false !== false ) {
exit( 'OH NO' );
}
}
}
function addTwoNumbersTogetherButMakeSureTheyAreNotAnArrayFirst( $numberOne, $numberTwo )
{
$numberOneCheck = new ArrayBuilder();
$numberTwoCheck = new ArrayBuilder();
if( $numberOneCheck->hiFunctionPleaseMakeSureThisIsAnIntegerAndNotAnArrayWeWouldntWantAnyAccidentsNowWouldWe( $numberOne ) === 'NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER' )
{ exit( 'IT IS NOT A NUMBER' ); }
if( $numberTwoCheck->hiFunctionPleaseMakeSureThisIsAnIntegerAndNotAnArrayWeWouldntWantAnyAccidentsNowWouldWe( $numberTwo ) === 'NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER' )
{ exit( 'IT IS NOT A NUMBER' ); }
$numberOne = (int)$numberOne;
$numberTwo = (int)$numberTwo;
$newResult = $numberOne + $numberTwo;
$newResult = (int)$newResult;
if( ((int)$newResult - ((int)$numberOne + (int)$numberTwo)) === (int)0 ) {
return (string)$newResult;
}
}
}
class ArrayBuilder
{
function __construct()
{
$true = true;
$false = false;
// make REALLy sure our variables are correct!!!!!
for( $i = 0; $i < 200; $i++ ) {
if( $true !== true ) {
exit( 'OH NO' );
}
if( $false !== false ) {
exit( 'OH NO' );
}
}
}
function parseArray( $incoming )
{
if( $this->makeReallySureTheThingComingInIsActuallyAnArray( $incoming ) !== true ) {
exit( 'OH NO IT\'S NOT REALLY AN ARRAY :(' );
}
// ok let's just make sure it isn't really trying to hdie
if( $this->makeReallySureTheThingComingInIsActuallyAnArray( $incoming ) !== true ) {
exit( 'haha you thought you could catch me out you cannot i have found out you are not an array mr. not array!!!' );
}
$count = count( $incoming );
$count = ($count + ($count - $count)) + 1; // ok we have added 1.
return reset( $incoming );
}
function hiFunctionPleaseMakeSureThisIsAnIntegerAndNotAnArrayWeWouldntWantAnyAccidentsNowWouldWe( $incoming )
{
if (is_array($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_bool($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_callable($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_float($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_int($incoming)) return "YES IT IS AN INTEGER";
if (is_null($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_numeric($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_object($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_resource($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
if (is_string($incoming)) return "NO IT IS NOT AN INTEGER";
exit( 'I DON\'T KNOW WHAT IT IS' );
}
function makeReallySureTheThingComingInIsActuallyAnArray( $incoming )
{
for( $i = 0; $i < 200; $i++ ) {
if( is_array( $incoming ) === true ) {
// Hmm it might be! let's make sure!
if( is_bool( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_callable( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_double( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_float( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_int( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_integer( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_long( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_null( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_numeric( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_object( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_real( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_resource( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_scalar( $incoming ) === false ) {
if( is_string( $incoming ) === false ) {
// ok we cool
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
} else { exit( 'OH NO' ); }
}
return true;
}
}
$num[ 1 ] = new ArrayBuilder();
$num[ 2 ] = new ArrayBuilder();
$theNumber[ 1 ] = $num[ 1 ]->parseArray( array(
$numberOne
) );
$theNumber[ 2 ] = $num[ 2 ]->parseArray( array(
$numberTwo
) );
$addition = new Addition();
$addition->addTwoNumbersTogetherButMakeSureTheyAreNotAnArrayFirst( (int)(integer)$theNumber[1], (int)(integer)$theNumber[2] );
// oops i frogt to assign it a value!
$newAddition = new Addition();
$theEndValue = $newAddition->addTwoNumbersTogetherButMakeSureTheyAreNotAnArrayFirst( (int)(integer)$theNumber[1], (int)(integer)$theNumber[2] );
echo $theEndValue . ' IS THE NUMBER YOU WANTED TO FIND BY ADDITION';
exit(1);
?>