/prog/ challenge: me, you, and The Sussman

We all know there are only three people on /prog/ — me, you, and The Sussman trolling us. Still, there are multiple established personae on /prog/. By the ⁶⁶Three Person Lemma⁹⁹, each one of them must be either me, you, or The Sussman. The challenge is to either divide the following list into three finite subsets that describe each of the posters on /prog/ or to prove that the task is impossible, disproving the lemma.

1. Me
2. You
3. The Sussman
4. The guy who sages a lot
5. The guy who refuses to sage for no good reason
6. The guy who refuses to sage with a good reason
7. The guy from /jp/
8. The guy from /b/
9. The guy from /pr/
10. The guy who can't program at all
11. Smug LISP weenie
12. Smug C weenie
13. Smug Haskell nomad
14. Enterprise Java suit
15. Sepples faggot
16. The proportional font guy
17. Sergeant Sagetank
18. Hotaru
19. MrVacBob-kun-sama
20. Erika
21. Christopher
22. Xarn
23. FrozenVoid
24. Jamestopher
25. UMH memesmith
26. HMA meme fan
27. HAXUS THE GREAT
28. The anusposter
29. The wayward freshman
30. The imageboard paladin
31. The guy who keeps saying ``cromulent''
32. The ``faggot quotes'' guy
32. The ``Stop using ``faggot quotes'''' guy
33. Haskell the dead dog
34. The -- guy
35. The necroposter
36. MILKRIBS4k
37. The opiates spammer
38. rand(all)
39. The Anticudder
40. Richard Stallman
41. MDickie
42. Leah Culver
43. Flaming prescriptivist faggot
44. Flaming descriptivist faggot
45. The EMACS advocate
46. The Textmate screencasts guy
47. The VIM advocate
48. The bloat guy
49. The elitist BSD anushole
50. The Touhou guy
51. The guy who refuses to install Flash

/prog/ - one guy with a severe case of schizophrenia.

What?