If programming languages were Touhous

Assembler: Sakuya
BASIC: Chen
C++: Reimu
C: Marisa
Clojure: Remilia
Cobol: Kaguya
Forth: Alice
Haskell: Patchouli
HTML: Cirno
Java: Yuyuko
Javascript: Mystia
Lua: Keine
Ocaml: Reisen
Pascal: China
Perl: Rinnosuke
PHP: Wriggle
Python: Sanae
Ruby: Yukari
Scheme: Satori

But touhous are girls! Girls can't program!