Meta Thread Implementation

The Challenge: Program a /prog/ metathread that solves all of /prog/'s problems and then implement it here by posting it as a new thread.

The Deadline: This challenge is open until /prog/ is perfect.

A few of my entries:
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1280867284
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1281349959
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1281479701
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1281480650
http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1281484600

There are more, but they're not on the front page so they no longer exist.