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Homosexuals

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 16:45

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife—even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But, believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures—like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 16:48

6/10 would read again

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 16:48

>>1
ur gay

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 16:51

Led Zeppelin is the best band ever. My favorite song by them is Stairway to Heaven. I also like Queen (Bohomeian Rhapsody is the best song ever) and Pink Floyd (We don't need no Education is their best song).

System of a Down is the best band today. Dancing in the Desert and When Angels Die are awesome songs.

Carlos Mencia is the best comedian ever and I cannot wait to see him on Dancing with the Stars.
Joe Rogan is a jealous asshole. Dave Chapelle was funny to. I wonder where he went.

I enjoy American Idol (I audition whenever it gets to my city), NASCAR (watching it right now), myspace (I have over 9000 friends on there and I'm better than you because of it)and reading Youtube comments.

Catcher in the Rye is my favorite book.

Anime rulez. Yaoi rulez. Yuri sucks.

X-box is the best video game system around. Luckily, my parents are buying me a PS3 AND a Wii.

I am an expert spawncamper and killer.

I love playing WoW and Yugioh.

Pokemon are for gay little kids.

Kingdom Hearts 2 is my favorite game in the Final Fantasy series. I love the gameplay and the plot is just plain amazing. Kingdom Hearts 2 was the real deal. You're just too much of a baka to know how to play it right. It was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. Just because you're too low on the socio-economic ladder to afford great games shouldn't mean you should speak like a baka about a game you've never played. Motherfuckers.

Japan is the best country in the world. Unlike Amerikkka, they have spicy Ramen. And considering that I'm a foreigner, they'll treat me like an idol and tend to my will while I watch raw anime because DUBS ARE EVIL. If I can't live in Japan, then I'll live in Europe. Both are better than that shithole Amerikkka because americans r fat and stupid.

Cartoons are for little kids and balding guys living in there moms basment. Anime is for grownup people like me!

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 16:55

>>4
ur gay

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:06

ITT faggots

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:15

>>8
Fuck off, ``faggot''.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:18

Back to the imageboards, please!

Name: homoerectus 2010-07-17 17:20

;_;

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:22

fag

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:39

>>10
It's not gay when you are on the receiving end.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 17:48

Area man has 50MB worth of kopipe

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 18:31

>>12
Loving the Un-ion.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 19:37

Betty Karlsdottir
Taxi Driver
"Scheme? Back in my day, the 6.001 curriculum consisted of banging two rocks together. And we liked it."

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-17 19:46

What do you expect from a mentally retard guido?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 13:56

>>4
To be fair, Europe is better than the US.

Name: 2010-07-18 15:29

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 15:43

>>16
Why has every single failure of an evil dictator somehow managed to conquer most of Europe, but failed to conquer the US?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 16:04

>>18
They really don't teach history (or geography) in American schools anymore, then?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 16:12

>>19
They do teach the basics: the Roman empire, Charlemagne, Napoleon, Hitler, the Europeon Union...

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 17:04

>>18
Why has the USA not even had a single evil dictator?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 17:13

>>21
They did have at least one, but he was smart enough to trick Europe into thinking he wasn't an evil dictator.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-18 20:53

>>21
Let's ask the other inhabitants of the Americas just how not-evil the US has been over the years, shall we?

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-19 8:19

>>18
The USA were created by Napoleon Bonaparte, because he was too busy conquering England to bother sending French-henchmen to claim the tiny strip of land running from Louisiana to the east coast.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-19 17:28

>>4
Greatest troll ever.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-19 17:41

>>25
nah, Xarn is.

Name: Anonymous 2010-07-19 17:53

PHP programmers

Name: Anonymous 2011-02-03 2:24

Don't change these.
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