PenisSoft

My internet startup is recruiting, and we could use you! Here at PenisSoft, we innovate touch screen interfaces in which you use your penis. The ideal candidate is age 22-25, knows about java, lisp, or C++ programming, and is enthusiastic about what he does.

I don't have a lot of c++ experience, but I do touch things with my penis a lot; what can you pay?

PenisSoft is a silly name.

You could have done Penisoft (like Microsoft). It signals the efficiency you hope for from a software company.

Or, if you wanted to be pedantic, you could have done Penißoft.

Overall I'm disappointed and doubt your vision as a startup.

Awww man, I'm always using my penis but  agree with >>3   PenisSoft is a stupid name.

>>3
You could go oldskool and call it Peni-soft.

Are you an equal opportunity employer ?



class Member:
    def __init__(self, LENGTH):
        self.length = LENGTH
        self.aroused = 0       
        self.semen = 7
        self.abuse = 0

    def harden(self):
        if self.aroused == 0:
            self.aroused = 1
            self.length += 3
        elif self.aroused == 1:
            print "It can't get any harder than it already is!"
   
    def soften(self):
        if self.aroused >= 1:
            self.aroused = 0
            self.length -= 3
        elif self.aroused == 0:
            print "It shrivles slightly, but re-expands."

    def ejaculate(self):
        if self.aroused == 5:
            if self.semen > 0:
                print "YA'LL BE CUMMIN' EVERYWHERE *SKEET*SKEET*SKEET*SKEET*"
                self.semen -= 1
                self.soften()
            if self.semen <= 0:
                print "Good god, you're dry-heaving."
                self.soften()
                self.abuse += 1
                if self.abuse == 3:
                    print "I'm pretty sure a little blood came out."
                if self.abuse == 8:
                    print "That was definitely blood and testicular matter. Not semen."
                if self.abuse <= 11:
                    self.protest()
        elif self.aroused != 5:
            print "No way man! You ain't even feelin' that now"
    def protest(self):
        print "That cock be hurtin'."

    def stroke(self):
        if self.aroused == 5:
            self.ejaculate()
        elif self.aroused == 0:
            self.harden()
        else: self.aroused += 1

penis = Member(5)


def robotRollCall():
    print "Stroke it."
    c = raw_input(">> ")
    if c.lower() == "s" or c.lower() == "stroke":
        penis.stroke()


for i in range(0,100):
    robotRollCall()

>>6
No
Get the fuck out of here, nigger.

>>8
go somewhere else

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