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Name: Xarnavò 2010-04-15 12:32

I - O(n!)

The thread2 begins by depicting a starving Dalmatian terrier5, drenched in blood, being devoured alive by a programmer.  The programmer is nameless, even /* anonymous */, and possibly note human, despite appearances.  /* His heart */ is adorned with a copy of `SICP`, which he has not read.  This weighs on him.  He is in denial as an outsider among the programmer elite, and his denial12 drives them away.

As we continue reading, the thread collapses around him us.  The forum is now so devoid of culture that it cannot help but implode into a black hole of spamTM, shame, and severed test casesicles.  The programmer elite immediately respond by retching and vomiting /* blood */, pelting the newcomer with shoes filled with hammers and glued shut with dried fecal matter.  They accost him with desperate cries of "Back to /b/, please!" but to no avail.  In a perverse transformation of the meaning of narrative, the newcomer is in such the nile that he imagines he feels at home.  The thread closes around him and transforms into a rope.  The rope becomes a net.  The net becomes an anus, opening the way into the happy fun land of the Czech republic, OPENING THE PATH TO SATORI, EXCEPT IT ISN'T SATORI, IT'S REALLY /b/, AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THE FALSE SENSE OF ACHIEVEMEENT, NO RUNNNING FROM THE NIGGHTMARES, GNAWING AT YOUR FLESH, GASPING FOR INVITNITE BRATH, JOINING THE ELITE TO COMIT THERE MEAMS OGF "SICP" AND "HAXUS" BUT ALL MEANING DI LOST POST OVER THREAD OVER BOARD OVER IF I EVER FINISH THIS SENTENCETHE ANUS IS EATING ME.

________________________________________
1. XXXXXXXXXX
2. So, when Xarn's ghastly specter appeared on my doorstep with, like, "chains", I sort of shat myself and decided I would stop doing so many drugs just as soon as I could forget about the whole thing by doing more drugs until my pasty neckbeard was glued to the keyboard. I'm not the sort of person he usually talks to. I'm no programmer, or at least that's what my friends tell me when the subject comes up in conversation. Their reasoning is that I actually have friends and even have sex sometimes, and nothing to do with actual programming ability. Like it matters.
3. Missing.
4. Missing.
5. By now you've probably noticed that there isn't any real text for most of the footnotes. I dunno why the dude bothered putting in markers for them in his autobiography. He's pretty sloppy. He doesn't cite any sources... Oh yeah, I'm editing this for that dead ghost guy. Anyway I dunno what's up with that.
>>6-11. Missing.
12. Sometimes I come here just for the atmosphere, you know, the breeze in your hair that you only really feel if you recently had your head shaved as a prank at a party. None of you go to parties. It makes me laugh sometimes until it makes me cry.
e. Closely.
TM. Not the meat.
13. Basically, this whole thing is really weird. He said you would all know what the hell it means but I think he was lying. I think the board is lying. I think we're all programmers deep down and that satori is a place in our hearts that we just need ridiculous amounts of drugs and promiscuous sex to find. That's just my opinion.

Name: Anonymous 2010-04-15 15:09

The stoner's jokes were good.

Name: DEqueue Texts 2010-04-15 16:53

      First Things First, Stay Calm              
                                                 
If you are reading this, I am not around         
anymore. Open emacs and type M-x doctor.         
Tell the woman who answers that you are Eric     
Sanderson. The woman is Dr. Eliza. She'll        
understand what has happened and you will be     
able to see her straight away. Take the ssh      
keys and connect to Dr. Eliza's box. If you      
haven't found it yet, there is a hostname on     
the post-it note—it's not long and easy to       
type.     ´¯`·.. ><((((º>`·.¸                    
    Dr. Eliza will be able to answer all your    
questions. It's very important that you connect  
straight away. Do not pass go. Do not explore.   
Do not collect two hundred pounds.               
    The root password is on a note in the drawer,
do not forget it.                                
  ><((((º>`·.¸¸               ..¸><((((º>¸.      
                 `·.. ><((((º>`·.¸¸              
 ¯`·.. ><((((º>`   With regret and also hope,    
                       ..¸><((((º>¸.             
                    The First Eric Sanderson     

Name: Anonymous 2010-04-15 16:57

>>3
>>1
EXPERT PROGRAMMER Quality

Name: Anonymous 2010-04-15 17:00

NO EXCEPTIONS

Name: Anonymous 2010-04-15 17:10

Unhandled exception
 Condition components:
   1. &assertion
   2. &who: >>5
   3. &message: "No exceptions assertion violated"
   4. &irritants: (#<procedure post-on-prog>)

Name: House 2010-04-15 17:35

Oh god, I just realised that the guy who wrote this was a BBCODE EXPERT PROGRAMMER.

Name: Anonymous 2010-11-14 17:53

Name: Anonymous 2010-12-24 18:19

Name: Anonymous 2012-03-28 2:16

my farts burn my anus
it hurts
in a good way

Don't change these.
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