Perl.

Perl. Why does [spolier]/prog/[/spoiler] dislike it so much?

Perl has too much junk in. That makes it easy to hate for all the clutter, but it is technically superior to most everything else out there: it's usually faster and subsumes all paradigm elements.

In practice the problem is that speed often comes from C, and so it isn't consummate with the pan-paradigmatic nature¹, not to mention the fact that the latter is ritually abused in practice² and worse: there are no clear visible signifiers as to which paradigm(s) the code accords, giving it its particular 'read-only' nature (this is compounded by the Chimera effect.)

[m][u]_______________________________________________________[/u
1. In fact, it is sleight of hand to claim speed and flexibility in this way, though pure Perl code is still considerably faster than a good number of other popular general-purpose languages.
2. By eg. combining elements which are not complimentary, producing behavior with wild discontinuities. This in particular is the Chimera effect, or simply a Chimera.[/m]