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Synergize this

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 13:03

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 13:12

"The organizational changes we are making will help us organize a culture of exciting customer focus."

I click it again.

"The organizational changes we are making will help us institutionalize a culture of exciting customer focus."

I knew it.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 13:21

Synergize this ! *grabs dick*

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 13:25

>>3
I ask you to benchmark and understand one key thing: What we are being asked to do -- execute cautiously on our emerging social network -- has not changed.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 14:38

>>4
We're going to collaborate across metrics; most importantly, we're going have a successful time winning with clients and generating successful financial performance.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 14:42

we're going have a successful time winning with clients and generating successful financial performance.
This is what startup founders actually believe!

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 14:59

We are going to facilitate processes and systems that aren't working and facilitate them so that you get the network you need.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-19 16:04

OH YOU!
// corporate-bullshit-generator.js
// (C) 2008 Avishai Weiss

var adjectives = [
    "incredible",
    "great",
    "fantastic",
    "phenomenal",
    "superb",
    "exciting",
    "inspiring",
    "strong",
    "compelling",
    "solid",
    "exceptional",
    "promising",
    "growing",
    "successful",
    "prosperous",
    "revolutionary",
    "exciting",
    "market-altering"
];

var verbs = [
    "aggregate",
    "architect",
    "benchmark",
    "brand",
    "cultivate",
    "deliver",
    "deploy",
    "disintermediate",
    "drive",
    "e-enable",
    "embrace",
    "empower",
    "enable",
    "engage",
    "engineer",
    "enhance",
    "envision",
    "evolve",
    "expedite",
    "exploit",
    "extend",
    "facilitate",
    "generate",
    "grow",
    "harness",
    "implement",
    "incentivize",
    "incubate",
    "innovate",
    "integrate",
    "iterate",
    "leverage",
    "matrix",
    "maximize",
    "mesh",
    "monetize",
    "morph",
    "optimize",
    "orchestrate",
    "productize",
    "recontextualize",
    "redefine",
    "reintermediate",
    "reinvent",
    "repurpose",
    "revolutionize",
    "scale",
    "seize",
    "strategize",
    "streamline",
    "syndicate",
    "synergize",
    "synthesize",
    "target",
    "transform",
    "transition",
    "unleash",
    "utilize",
    "visualize",
    "whiteboard",
    "add value",
    "leverage",
    "capitalize",
    "reorganize",
    "interface",
    "negotiate",
    "institutionalize"
];

var nouns = [
    "action-item",
    "application",
    "architecture",
    "bandwidth",
    "channel",
    "community",
    "content",
    "convergence",
    "deliverable",
    "e-busines",
    "e-commerce",
    "e-market",
    "e-service",
    "e-tailer",
    "experience",
    "eyeball",
    "functionality",
    "infrastructure",
    "initiative",
    "interface",
    "market",
    "methodology",
    "metric",
    "mindshare",
    "model",
    "network",
    "niche",
    "paradigm",
    "partnership",
    "platform",
    "portal",
    "relationship",
    "semantic content",
    "ROI",
    "synergy",
    "web-readines",
    "schema",
    "solution",
    "supply-chain",
    "system",
    "technology",
    "user",
    "portal",
    "vertical",
    "web service",
    "institution",
    "organization",
    "database",
    "RSS feed",
    "social network"
];

var adverbs = [
    "strategically",
    "energetically",
    "expediently",
    "expertly",
    "greatly",
    "swiftly",
    "cautiously",
    "deliberatly"
]

phrases = [
    "We're going to {VERB} processes and systems that aren't working and {VERB} them so you get the {NOUN} you need.",
    "We're going to collaborate across {NOUN}s; most importantly, we're going have a {ADJECTIVE} time winning with clients and generating {ADJECTIVE} financial performance.",
    "The organizational changes we are making will help us {VERB} a culture of {ADJECTIVE} customer focus.",
    "We will {VERB} global P&L responsibility as well as business and {NOUN} strategy.",
    "I ask you to {VERB} and understand one key thing: What we are being asked to do -- execute {ADVERB} on our emerging {NOUN} -- has not changed.",
    "The goal here is simple: {VERB} teams with {ADJECTIVE} accountability and responsibility for {NOUN} and business lines.",
    "We now have a structure and a {ADJECTIVE} start to {VERB} the leadership {NOUN}s within the team.",
    "The creation of our {NOUN} unit is the logical evolution of {ADJECTIVE} work that has been done in the {NOUN} pillar.",
    "Organizational diversity and accountability is paramount for long term success and a happy work environment."
];
function random_item(item) {
        var index = Math.floor(Math.random()*item.length);
        return item[index];
    }
   
    function each_occurance(occurance) {
       
    }
    var i = Math.floor((Math.random()+1)*adjectives.length);
    function generate() {
        var result = random_item(phrases);
        result = result.gsub("{VERB}", random_item(verbs));
        result = result.gsub("{NOUN}", random_item(nouns));
        result = result.gsub("{ADJECTIVE}", random_item(adjectives));
        result = result.gsub("{ADVERB}", random_item(adverbs));
        $('output').innerHTML = result;
    }

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-20 9:13

Organizational diversity and accountability is paramount for long term success and a happy work environment.

This actually sounds pretty reasonable.

Name: Anonymous 2010-02-21 7:49

function each_occurance(occurance)

Name: Anonymous 2011-01-29 12:27

I love it.

Name: Anonymous 2011-01-29 13:03

>>9
Sounds like a bunch of  HR corporate bullshit to me.

Name: Anonymous 2011-01-29 13:29

>>12
...and exactly the sort of bullshit they fed new hires at the last place I worked.

Name: Anonymous 2011-01-29 14:14

We're going to brand processes and systems that aren't working and brand them so you get the application you need.
At least this corporation is honest about its products.

Name: Anonymous 2011-01-29 14:16

>>14
We're going to target processes and systems that aren't working and target them so you get the e-market you need.

Don't change these.
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