IF PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES WERE

It's been a long time since the last discussion of this topic.

If programming languages were women:

PHP is a disease-ridden whore. Years of drug abuse have turned her brains to jelly, and she can barely remember where her children are, when she remembers she has any. But she'll suck your cock for a vial of zyme.

Lisp is cute and funny and just about the coolest person you know. But she's got a few too many, uh, curves, so you always pass her by even though you know you'd be happier with her.

Haskell is a feminist lesbian. She's got her own ideas about how this stuff should work, and her fear of "side-effects" has made her uninterested in men.

C++ isn't pretty, but she'll do anything you want in bed... no matter who you are. That's not to imply she's well-rounded or pleasant to be with: in the end, she's just a masturbation aid.

Haskell is a feminist lesbian. She's got her own ideas about how this stuff should work, and her fear of "side-effects" has made her uninterested in men.

APL is exotic and foreign. She's a woman of few words, not that it makes a difference since you can't understand them anyway. Word is she'll blow your mind if you can get to know her.

Python is domineering and fastidious, but she's pretty easy to live with if you do things her way. She's not the swiftest one around, but she can keep a household running and make it look easy.

C is high-maintenance as they come, but if you can keep her happy it's fast times.

>>3
Modern pop culture feminism has given them the idea that every woman is a unique individual, but deep down all women really just need to be owned and fucked by somebody. The only caveats stem from the fact that most of them don't know they want that, meaning you have to trick them into it. Penetrating that outer layer of individuality... Yeah, that takes a different effort for every girl. But beyond that first layer, women are almost universally predictable.