If programming languages were...

Viruses/Diseaeses/Afflications:

Java would be the common cold
C++ would be cancer
Python would be having your kneecaps broken by gangsters
Lisp would be delerium tremens
BASIC would be brain worms (the kind you get from pig feces)
Prolog would be SAARS
Haskell would be H1N1

These comparisons are funnier when you include a short description justifying your choice.