If programming languages were...

Viruses/Diseaeses/Afflications:

Java would be the common cold
C++ would be cancer
Python would be having your kneecaps broken by gangsters
Lisp would be delerium tremens
BASIC would be brain worms (the kind you get from pig feces)
Prolog would be SAARS
Haskell would be H1N1

C/C++ would be the American government.  Initially it was lean and offered the individual great freedom, but it is becoming more bloated everyday (a trend that is not being reversed).

Java would be European socialism.  It eventually gets the job done, but it takes forever to get a bill passed.

Haskell is communism.  Loved by academics and works on the communal scale, but no one uses it in the larger world.

Javascript is student's council.