Java would be the 1899 Horsey Horseless.
http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1658545_1657686,00.html
Somewhere between an assembler and PHP is Java, the brainfart of inventor James Gosling of Sun, was intended to soothe the skittish nerves of amature script kiddies. C style syntax was attached to the front of JVM in order to make it resemble a real programming language (Gosling recommended the terse outdated syntax as a hollow attempt at mainstream acceptance — another great idea). "The primitive types would be thinking of being objects," said Gosling, "and before he could discover his error and see that he had been fooled, the programmer would be stuck with a class based object oriented language that didn't orient everything as objects." Stupid programmer! It's not clear if the Java was ever actually built or if it is an accidental shit stain on a floppy disk, but it reminds us just what a radical, hard-to-conceptualize thing a Java programming language was.