self learning programming?

Yes I'm a major newfag, but I was wondering what is the easiest and most efficient way to self-teach myself C++?

>>1
You will need:
1 unsharpened pencil, #2 (HB is fine).
1 pencil sharpener for said pencil.
1 nostril (yours).

Sharpen pencil as sharp as you can get it, but make sure not to diminish its length much. Place the sharpened end in your nostril and deliver one sharp blow to the other end with your palm. If you can still think, hit it again. Repeat as necessary.

Congratulations: you are now eligable to be a C++ programmer.