PHP is awesome

This is how you create a anonymous function in PHP:

$newfunc = create_function('$a,$b', 'return "ln($a) + ln($b) = " . log($a * $b);');

>>51
PHP is certainly adequate. It is a good solution for small web projects on shared hosting. It was built to interface with relational databases from its earliest versions, and it's not difficult to understand why. So far you've yet to indicate any reason behind your objections.