Easy first-time languages

Okay, I'm completely new to programming. Java's giving me headaches since I've never done OOP before.

I'm trying to be a true hacker on steroids, can you help me /prog/?

I tried asking this in /g/ but I'm still indecisive.

I'd start with HTML (if you don't know it already) sprinkled with some JavaScript. Once you master that, and want to start with a language that gives you executables, C# is a good beer-chaser. (Unless you're on Linux/OS X) Then you can move on to C, C++, Java, and whatever other languages there are out there.

[in b4 .NET fag]