Perfect Language

So, I was looking at this thread http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1183997706/1-40 and all the various language bashing threads and was wondering... What, in the opinions of anonymous and 4chan in general, would make a perfect programming language? I am interested in both syntax and features and general flames, since they entertain me.

>>23
GC is useful for mainly for two reasons:
* Frees the programmer from worrying about tracking memory
* Makes a strong type system possible

The reasons given against GC is:
* Loss of control
* GC is slow or nondetermininstic

However, that is outdated, because:
* Only low-level languages need an exit for exceptional purposes, and such GC-based languages provide a way out (see the D programming language)
* Modern GCs are competitive with the best mallocs, and malloc isn't deterministic either.