Romeo, a young man with a remarkable patience.
Juliet, a likewise young woman of remarkable grace.
Ophelia, a remarkable woman much in dispute with Hamlet.
Hamlet, the flatterer of Andersen Insulting A/S.
Act I: Hamlet's insults and flattery.
Scene I: The insulting of Romeo.
[Enter Hamlet and Romeo]
Hamlet:
You lying stupid fatherless big smelly half-witted coward!
You are as stupid as the difference between a handsome rich brave
hero and thyself! Speak your mind!
You are as brave as the sum of your fat little stuffed misused dusty
old rotten codpiece and a beautiful fair warm peaceful sunny summer's
day. You are as healthy as the difference between the sum of the
sweetest reddest rose and my father and yourself! Speak your mind!
You are as cowardly as the sum of yourself and the difference
between a big mighty proud kingdom and a horse. Speak your mind.
Speak your mind!
[Exit Romeo]
Scene II: The praising of Juliet.
[Enter Juliet]
Hamlet:
Thou art as sweet as the sum of the sum of Romeo and his horse and his
black cat! Speak thy mind!
[Exit Juliet]
Scene III: The praising of Ophelia.
[Enter Ophelia]
Hamlet:
Thou art as lovely as the product of a large rural town and my amazing
bottomless embroidered purse. Speak thy mind!
Thou art as loving as the product of the bluest clearest sweetest sky
and the sum of a squirrel and a white horse. Thou art as beautiful as
the difference between Juliet and thyself. Speak thy mind!
[Exeunt Ophelia and Hamlet]
Act II: Behind Hamlet's back.
Scene I: Romeo and Juliet's conversation.
[Enter Romeo and Juliet]
Romeo:
Speak your mind. You are as worried as the sum of yourself and the
difference between my small smooth hamster and my nose. Speak your
mind!
Juliet:
Speak YOUR mind! You are as bad as Hamlet! You are as small as the
difference between the square of the difference between my little pony
and your big hairy hound and the cube of your sorry little
codpiece. Speak your mind!
[Exit Romeo]
Scene II: Juliet and Ophelia's conversation.
[Enter Ophelia]
Juliet:
Thou art as good as the quotient between Romeo and the sum of a small
furry animal and a leech. Speak your mind!
Ophelia:
Thou art as disgusting as the quotient between Romeo and twice the
difference between a mistletoe and an oozing infected blister! Speak
your mind!
[Exeunt]
Primes
(This is the contents of the file primes.spl.)
Prime Number Computation in Copenhagen.
Romeo, a young man of Verona.
Juliet, a young woman.
Hamlet, a temporary variable from Denmark.
The Ghost, a limiting factor (and by a remarkable coincidence also
Hamlet's father).
Act I: Interview with the other side.
Scene I: At the last hour before dawn.
[Enter the Ghost and Juliet]
The Ghost:
You pretty little warm thing! Thou art as prompt as the difference
between the square of thyself and your golden hair. Speak your mind.
Juliet:
Listen to your heart!
[Exit the Ghost]
[Enter Romeo]
Juliet:
Thou art as sweet as a sunny summer's day!
Act II: Determining divisibility.
Scene I: A private conversation.
Juliet:
Art thou more cunning than the Ghost?
Romeo:
If so, let us proceed to scene V.
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter Hamlet]
Juliet:
You are as villainous as the square root of Romeo!
Hamlet:
You are as lovely as a red rose.
Scene II: Questions and the consequences thereof.
Juliet:
Am I better than you?
Hamlet:
If so, let us proceed to scene III.
Juliet:
Is the remainder of the quotient between Romeo and me as good as
nothing?
Hamlet:
If so, let us proceed to scene IV.
Thou art as bold as the sum of thyself and a roman.
Juliet:
Let us return to scene II.
Scene III: Romeo must die!
[Exit Hamlet]
[Enter Romeo]
Juliet:
Open your heart.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Hamlet]
Romeo:
Thou art as rotten as the difference between nothing and the sum of a
snotty stinking half-witted hog and a small toad!
Speak your mind!
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter Juliet]
Scene IV: One small dog at a time.
[Exit Hamlet]
[Enter Romeo]
Juliet:
Thou art as handsome as the sum of thyself and my chihuahua!
Let us return to scene I.