How do I learned Lisp?

I have tried several times -- and FAILED UTTERLY. It felt like having a fetus shoved up your ass, and then having to shit it out while a big bad nigger is trying to shove it back up with his humongous cock. All while the fetus is growing at a steady pace.

Alright, what I need to know is:
1) How do I indented Lisp.
2) What dialect is "the best".
3) Minor programming project good for a stupid ignorant wapanese newbie.
4) PROTIPs.

Only serious inquiries, dear Sir or Madam.

>>8
Is it really any easier to write "AI applications" in lisp? I mean, it really depends on what kind of AI you're doing... John McCarthy invented lisp, and he was mostly concerned with programs that did logic deduction. That was Good Old Fashioned AI. Most AI systems people are concerned with now like learning systems and planners are probably easier to implement in a more general purpose language like C.

That being said, any other reason to learn lisp?