Let's play politics

You start

I will solve all of your problems and make your life better.  My opponent sucks and he can't do those things.  Vote for Me.

>>2

You are playing politics with our troops lives.  You say all these wonderful things, but you put our troops in danger when you voted down some sub-amendment of some minor funding bill.  Vote for me instead.

I'm a nigger, so vote for me! You need a nigger for president to prove that you're dumb but at least not racist.

>>4
To my most esteemed opponent I say....
SPEAR CHUCKER
SPEAR CHUCKER
SPEAR CHUCKER
TERORIST!!!
And of course I mean that with all due respect.

Vote for me. All the cool 14 year olds on 4chan love me.

Sincerely,
Balack Obama

I'm new and have new ideas that are new and better than everyone else's.  If you oppose me you oppose progress, plain and simple.  So do something new and vote for me, because I'm new.

I love Israel the most.  I have consitantly voted to send American money to Israel and to send our soldiers to spill their blood in Israel's proxy war in Iraq.  Christfags and Jews, vote for me for these reasons.

WOOP WOOP CHANGE! WOOP WOOP YES WE CAN!  I've never actually done anything of import, especially not in the four years I was in Congress.  I don't actually know much about anything and objectively speaking I'm not qualified to manage a Denny's.  Therefore, vote for me, not some boring old honky.  Just because my best friend and lifelong political mentor is an unrepentant Weather Underground terrorist who committed high treason, that's no reason to have any doubts at all.

Remember, if you don't vote for me, you're a racist!  And that's terrible.

I represent your values more than anyone else!  Look, see these staged photo-ops of me doing the things you do everyday.  See how enthusiastically I eat the same garbage you eat.  Sometimes I even roll up my sleeves!  Even though you drink a 6 pack every other day and never read and probably never went to law school, or heck even college, and you're constantly being worn down by the expenses of daily life I'M JUST LIKE YOU!  Really, see this picture of me walking my pure-bred dog that cost $1200.  You should vote for me because I "get" you and what you're all about.
Comm'on, you know you wanna have a beer with me.

My friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends,

WE'RE GONNA TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE! YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

Gentlemen.