Why is investment banking a crime?

Many companies require a large amount of money to make money and without such trustworthy establishments to keep this money secure and perform in depth research in how to best distribute the nation's liquid assets. I can't be trusted to use a billion dollars for the good of the country, I'm not a qualified investment consultant (yet) and I'm not liquid. Are you liquid? Who is in this crazy world? Let me tell you, Mr. Bank, Mr. Investment Bank and Mr. Insurance.

Look at what the communists did. They spent all their profits. They weren't liquid.

In before RedCream's five-paragraph rant.

Ream my butthole!

Investment banking isn't a crime.  Cheating your clients, is.  Investment banks have been paying some serious fines in the last decade, largely in the last 5 years over the dotcom crash ... so, what, have we really stopped having any sort of memory for these things?

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Paragraph 5.  I'd hate to disappoint.