Guys! Guys! I've been thinking, and I think that I might be (or at least be possessed by) Satan. I'm wondering: If I am Satan incarnated in human form, would I know it?
It's just that there's so many signs. Everybody hates me for some reason, no matter how good I am trying to be. People sometimes flee me, even on the internet. Maybe that's because I'm simply born evil. I haven't killed anyone yet, but I'd like to.
How can I find out if I'm Satan or not, and what am I supposed to do if I am? Please help.
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Anonymous2011-12-18 12:30
Does spaghetti constantly come out of your pockets when you're trying to get your wallet, OP?
A easy way to check is to play "Silent Night" by Frank Sinatra backwards.
If you hear "Hallelujah" , then you will know the truth and how it makes no freaking sense.
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Anonymous2011-12-26 20:07
I didn't get any presents from Santa this christmas, so I am now convinced that I must be Satan. Could my minions please home in on my evil aura, and come and carry me back to Hell? I do have minions, right?
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Anonymous2011-12-27 18:26
>>7 I didn't get any presents from Santa this christmas, so I am now convinced that I must be Satan
Not even an upside-down cross? Or a pentagram necklace?
>>12
911 is run by evil do-gooders. Can't trust them.
I say he should use his power to make people flee by streaking into a kindergarden.
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Anonymous2012-01-19 9:21
hey OP I know you're worried you might be satan. My solution was thus:
1. Use moist sanitary towlets to clean, not dry paper
2. Dab, don't wipe
3. I used a product called ProShield that didn't sting at all and gave me almost immediate relief
4. I use a quarter sized piece of fluffed/rolled surgical cotton after every BM, put it right up against the anal opening. It helps soak up stomach acid that your pouch doesn't absorb, which was the major cause of my dry/raw skin.
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Anonymous2012-01-21 8:39
Guys, I feel that you're not taking this seriously enough. If I'm Satan, and I'm up here on Earth with amnesia, then that means that there's a Hell down there that is rulerless at the moment. There might be riots or something.
>>1
Everyone hates me, I hate everyone, I see demons, demons torment me, and I have an awful influence on people who I don't even talk too. Just them being near me makes them despair.
Am I the one of the prime evils in human form?
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Erisana Ashera2012-01-26 15:37
Hell is a loop of mind. Heaven is the prison. "Now" your mind is trying to tell you something important. Go sit in front of a wall for two hours and play with the focus of your eyes. Keep them open; let the tears fall instead of blinking. You will see "everything" by focusing on "nothing". Stop projecting if you want the truth. When you finally run the course of the stories in your head; then you can get to work/play. Or continue being looped in someone else's metaprogram and go find some dipshits to reinforce your crap. Maybe you'll write a bestselling book and become a famous Guru... Stupid faggot, "Good" and "Evil" are capacities; not polarities. The more you force yourself to be good and right; the stronger and angrier your shadow will become. Whatever; Fuck you, if you can't even be real with yourself. Tryin to be someone's hero? Why; so you can cry about how no one appreciates your "hard" work for them? Whine to everyone how you always get fucked over because you're too "good" a person? Yet everytime, you set yourself up that way because you're addicted to Drama and Dogma. So Either sit down and seriously shut up, or go fucking die and build an army with the other vagrant dead to bust God out of Heaven. Otherwise you're worse than useless. Mad Now? Good. Hold on to that; you're gonna need it. Don't diminish it or hold it back; everyone is sick of your pussy bullshit, including yourself!!!
Silly guy you think your Santa*. I understand how you could have been confused though.
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Anonymous2012-01-29 11:03
How about stopping being a dick?
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Anonymous2012-01-29 20:19
ttp://youtu.be/yD_-hSCLRmg
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Anonymous2012-01-30 16:35
omg i think im based god guys
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Anonymous2012-04-09 18:04
Well since there is no "Satan" unless you are christian or a satanist which I'm guessing your probably one of those. Anyways, the best thing to do is check yourself in to the hospital and tell them exactly what you posted. They'll totally believe you and help you figure out if you really are "Satan" or not. Have a good one. STAY GOLD!
Nuke Noodle was drinking and search online on how to summon a demon in a cafe. As he was preparing the process, the cafe owner speak to Nuke Noodle : "Excuse me, Sir, do you mind not summoning a demon in our establishment? People are trying to drink incredibly expensive buckets of appalling coffee."
CRAM!
Nuke Noodle throw the cafe owner into the dustbin.
Nuke Noodle : "Now I need an offering for the demon. This muffin will do. Blueberry and cod flavour."
Later the demon appear.
Demon : "I was in the middle of my birthday party! Hurry up and tell me what you want so I can steal your soul and get back. It's cake soon."
Nuke Noodle punch the demon.
BOOF!
Nuke Noodle : "I want punchy time!"
The demon punch Nuke Noodle back.
BOSH!
Demon : "Very well, you insignificant little bag of sweaty bottoms"
CRUMP!
At the end of the fight, Nuke Noodle managed to subdue the demon.
The demon then teleported Nuke Noodle to the netherworld.
Demon : "I have no time for your mortal stupidness, stupid mortal."
K-ZAP!
Nuke Noodle : "Tingly!"
Later in the nether world
Demon 's Mum : "Where are you, Cuddly-Pops? It's time for cake!"
Demon : "Not now, Mum!"
Demon 's Mum : "Does your little friend want to come to your party? It's a little quiet with just you and me."
Nuke Noodle : "Ha Ha! You haven't got any friends!"
Demon : "I have!"
Nuke Noodle : "Happy birthday, Demon!"
Demon : "You could have got me a present."
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Anonymous2013-03-31 19:42
People would love you if you were satan, not hate you. Unfortunately, he is already Mabus, therefore you are nobody.
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Unshelved2013-04-06 12:19
UNSHELVED
Dewey : "NO, THERE ARE NO APPARITIONS ON OUR COMPUTERS.
YES, I'M SURE GOD ISN'T SPEAKING THROUGH THAT MACHINE.
BECAUSE OUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS TOO SLOW FOR A LINK TO HEAVEN.