It isn't especially interesting to listen to, but then like you say, this is the barebones of the track. Here are the things that need changing/improving:
* The main piano melody sounds too dischordant and doesn't progress. It needs to carry the tune, and it needs to have a more engaging melody. I would write a longer melody that isn't entirely dischordant - allow it to resolve, and accompany it with a stronger baseline.
* The vocal samples seem tokenistic and superfluous. It's not an interesting sample and doesn't bring anything to the flow of the song. I'd prefer a non-vocal sample, like say the sound of birds taking flight or maybe a filtered male sample, maybe some radio chatter/background industrial or war sounds.
* Some of the string samples are a bit naff, if they are samples and not various Subtractor patches. At least I am not able to immediately tell. The worst of them all is the backwards sounding Gregorian style vocal stabs "oooOAH". Although it's great to fill a track with details like this, they need to sound more vital and have a bit more presence.
This sounds very much like background music due to the lack of dynamics. Why not crack that song open and bring some life to it? I would introduce a much heavier drum track and a strong baseline to this. Lose the superflous touches and give it some drive.
This is definitely a work in progress but you should only feel excited about the potential, don't worry if you disagree with my ideas.
Name:
op2009-10-18 17:09
i appreciate the honesty and thorough review. For the record though, i just produce for local rappers and therefore its not supposed to be too full and you are right about it sounding like background music. Those are all great ideas though and I'll keep in mind to put your criticism in practice. Thanks a lot!