Tolkien was an asshole.

If there was anyone in the story of the Lord of the Rings, who deserved to cross the Belegaer and off Middle Earth entirely, to reside thereafter in the Blessed Realm, it was Sméagol, a.k.a. Gollum, he being the most ruined of ringbearers. Sméagol deserved to stand side by side with Frodo and Bilbo as they sailed away from Mithlond, the 'Grey Havens'.

But no, no, Tolkien-the-dick killed him off. Tolkien the vicious. Tolkien the merciless. Fuck J.R.R. and his vengeful story.

>>4
Your analysis was abominable, like the decimation of Durin's folk in Khazad-dûm.

And I have raped no one, least of all the terrible Tolkien. Sméagol was merely one of the most ruined of Ringbearers, and should have joined the ranks of the other Hobbit Ringbearers, namely Frodo and Bilbo. Justice demands it.

>>5
I will not. I have no such feelings in reserve.