The key word here is "unexpectedly." You did not prepare for this, so you have no winning lottery numbers or sports almanac. Using only your memory, knowledge and skills, how do you benefit from this?
To clarify the rules:
1) Unexpected time-travel means that your current self is now alive in 1985. It does NOT mean that your current consciousness is moved to your 3 year old self, or is now piloting a sperm inside of your dad's nutsack.
2) Your current clothes and any belongings on your person come with you.
3) "No way back, ever" simply implies that you cannot time-travel again. Yes, it is possible to get back to 2011 by transcending time at its normal pace, you jerks.
4) It is possible to change things as a result of your actions, HOWEVER you're in an alternate timeline/universe, so nothing you change affects the fact that in 2011 you are unexpectedly sent back to 1985.
5) After being sent back to 1985, if you reach 2011 a second time after 26 years, you do not get sent back to 1985 again (No infinite loop). And you all are crazy, man.
I can remember at one point in the nineties (somewhere between 90-95 I think) The grand national actually didn't take place that year due to there being three false starts, which means the rules say it has to be called off. The odds of it happening are astronomically low, so I would bet on that every year.
I'd also rip off a lot of songs from the nineties and play them in bands in the eighties, like Roger the alien does when he finds that tape of disco music in one episode of American Dad in the seventies. Well, kinda like that, you get the idea. I'd slip some of my own songs onto the albums too, and see how the crowds recieved them.
I'd invest in enron stock during the crash. I'd invest in Apple stock when they first floated themselves.
I'd rip off the Harry Potter franchise (I read a couple of the books, saw a couple of the films, I reckon I could mock it up well enough to get away with it) and try running with that, who knows.
I'd do everything I could to get usenet access, and a modem for dialling into local BBS's. I'd make a 2600 tone generator.
I'd probably also rip off a lot of the stand-up comedy from the last ten years and pass it off as my own. Jimmy Carr stuff, Frankie Boyle...I'd leave alone Bill Hicks and Doug Stanhope, I think they were probably working out that stuff themselves at the time.
I'd go and see Jerry Sadowitz in his prime (I have a ticket to go see him for the first time in November actually anyway, yay).
Fuck, that's just off the top of my head. There would be limitless things you could do.
Current clothes and any belongings? Well I'd be pretty fucked to start with, seeing as I only have a dressing gown, boxers and a T-shirt on. I guess panhandle until I had the five quid it would take to buy a cheap harmonica, and use that to bsuk until I got enough money for more clothes, as well as food.
I guess I might try and walk over to my parents house and do the whole telling them stuff only they know, that they have told me in later life. Old stories of their youth. Then tell them the true story, and see if they believed me. I hope they wouldn't call the cops.
If I was on the streets until I could get that harmonica, I guess I would hit up some homeless charity shops and beg for clothes/a blanket to sleep somewhere with. I'd know a few places I could hide/break in to. Cars hardly ever had car alarms then, or immobilisors, so I'd get a £1 screwdriver and jack one of those and drive it somewhere to sleep. The lack of video cameras everywhere would make it easier to get away with. If I get caught for it and sentenced to a few months for car theft...this would actually work in my favour, as people coming out of jail have some help given to them over here. I know, I've been there before.
Whatever happened, I would fucking make it. It might take time, but I would thrive. No doubt.
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!L33tUKZj5I2011-09-19 22:49
Just looked up what year the Grand National fucked up. It was 93.
Eight years is a long time to wait for a payoff. I would probably think I was crazy by then.
I'd have plenbty of time to think of something else to bet on. I never followed football though, so I don't have the normal store of sports knowledge an Englishman has. http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/april/3/newsid_4216000/4216143.stm
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TheDreadPirate2011-09-19 23:46
1985? MORE WENCHES TO SWIVE, ME HEARTIES! AAAARRRGH!
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Anonymous2011-09-20 0:47
I would find myself as a kid and rape myself. I think that that would lead to some pretty humorous shenanigans.
This would be easy to remember I guess. 85, Oxford won, 86 Cambridge, 87-92 Oxford again. That would keep me occupied until the Grand national. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boat_Race
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Anonymous2011-09-20 1:47
Can I wait till 2011 and tell myself that I'm going back to 1985 and....God, this is complicated...
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Anonymous2011-09-20 15:45
>>6
My parents wouldn't press charges on their own son!
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Anonymous2011-09-21 1:59
I thought this thread had more potential than to just sink off the front page.
Good idea OP.
>>13
I think she's a bit too past it now. Grey pubes and a dry sandy cunt.
She looks OK in the latest music videos, just... but we both know how much electronic jiggery pokery trickery touching up has been done to those images. She most likely looks far, far rougher. But yes, in her prime I would bang her uterus clean through the top of her head.
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Anonymous2011-09-21 13:27
I would wreck her asshole so badly! I would jam my fat cock up there without any lube!
>>15
Werd.
I don't think I'd hit her now though. This is what she looks like now, and bear in mind the simulated old sty;e footage. In HD I bet she looks like death warmed up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69_NwWQCYo