So I got some dumb bitch pregnant

I only fucked her a few times to make my ex jealous, she was five years younger than her.
Funny thing is I've been fucking my ex and it looks like we might get back together as she's deciding that she doesn't want any of those other assholes who aren't going to put up with her kinky fantasies.
What the fuck am I gonna do though? I've got some stupid seventeen year old coke whore pregnant. I always wanted kids, but not with some retarded girl who lies to me about her age, where she lives, whether she has a job, and of course, the kicker, she lied about being on the pill.
Why did it have to be her? Of all the girls I've ever known, all the ones I wanted to keep the kid fucking aborted it and this crazy bitch wants to keep it because she knows I'm not an asshole who will run away.
I'm not going back to her, but what the fuck do I say to the ex I'm getting back with/fucking that I love?
Why am I such a retard. How do I get myself in these situations.

>>31
I shall. If possible I will also move to direct some important aspect of his/her moral and intellectual development from behind the shadows of distance, wait a few years, then adopt the child as my own when I have a laboratory or something capable of nurturing its destructive potential.

>>32
do you feel you're fit to take care of the child? If so, teach the little fag to do so.
Realistically, I am. Or, at the very least, could be responsible, caring and supportive enough that it wouldn't turn out like me. Actually I loved her so much I thought I'd be alright with, get this, letting her, the kid and the "father" live with me, allowing my presence to persist as only an uncle-figure.

Despite that, she wants nothing to do with me. Therefore I figure I'll let her sit in misery with our little secret while every passing year she watches the child with a crippling mixture of shame and regret. I still want to pull an "I'm your father" deal when it gets older, though. Depending on how awesome/successful/crazy I become, it'll be a real mindfuck for the both of us.