what this guy he so ass

Me: "You got a hold of a sales rep. That's good. You said they are willing to send out some samples to us for evaluation?"
Him: "Yeah, they are willing to send us two 100 mL bottles."
Me: "See if it's possible to get a hold of 250 mL samples. The bottle we have downstairs is a 250 mL bottle so it's conceivable that they can send us 250 mL samples. The more the better, if we don't have to pay for it."
Him: "So I should ask for a liter or something?"
Me: "No. First off asking for a liter is suspicious. Secondly, what the fuck do we need a liter for? 250 mL would last us a year at least."
Him: "Well, I figured a liter would be even better since you said the more the better."
Me: "Yes, but be reasonable. Try not to burn bridges or make it obvious we're just looking for some handouts before we actually purchase the stuff. It's not cheap, so having a free sample to try out is always a good idea. Just don't go overboard, okay?"
Him: "Right. I should ask for some more, but nothing crazy."
<insert 30 minutes of organizing the lab>
Me: "Okay, I need to go back to the chem building and take care of the HPLC and OP. Remember to get on the horn asap with the sales rep so we can get those samples."
Him: "Right. I'll remember to ask for a liter of the stuff."

Him: "So you don't like it too messy?"
Me: "I don't like it messy at all. We're in the business of actual research, not in the business of being fucking hacks and amateurs - so no, I don't want it to be messy."
Grad student: "I'm glad to hear that. I agree completely. I prefer to keep everything tip top and clean. It's the hallmark of reproducibility."
Me: "Exactly. A messy lab is an indicator of messy work."
Him: "So not even a little messy?"
Me: "No. No fucking messes, no left out used gloves or fluorinated oil spills or puddles of shit on the benchtop. I want everything clean as a whistle."
Him: "So what if I leave a couple drops here and there?"
Me: "Keep it clean."
Him: "Well, if I made a mess but you didn't know, would you really care so much?"
Me: "Keep the lab clean. At all times."
Him: "Yeah, but what you don't know what hurt you, right?"

>>1
what this guy he so ass
www.usingenglish.com

What exactly were you guys purchasing?

>>4
Deuterium from Iran.

Him: "So I spoke with the tech people and they said they sent out some stuff for us to try. You were right. The technical support people are way faster than the sales people. So what do I tell the sales people. I bet I can con them into giving us more stuff!"
Me: "I doubt it. The sales teams at 3M are in close coordination with the technical support staff. That's how it works at large chemical companies."
Him: "Are you sure? I mean, have you actually worked for companies like 3M?"
Me: "Actually, I spent two years doing research at 3M while I was an undergraduate, learning the ropes in Spence Silver's lab. So yes, I have worked for companies like 3M. I have some semblance of understanding of how 3M coordinates their sales and support people."
Him: "Oh. Are you sure?"
Me: "Don't call sales and ask them to send stuff over. They already know you got it from technical. I'm guessing you already told them both who you were, who you work for, and what you want."
Him: "So you don't think I should ask for more stuff?"

Him: "Can I get trained in too? It sounds pretty cool."
Me: "I don't think so. MALDI's pretty cheap to train in on, but the equipment is expensive as hell and I am pretty sure that the director has a policy of not allowing undergrads to use the machine for the sake of preventing issues with the machine."
Him: "Is that the one that shoots lasers?"
Me: "Yes, our MALDI uses an argon laser."
Him: "That is so cool! Why can't I use it?"
Me: "You have to be trained to use it, and I am pretty sure the director of the labs has a standing policy to not allow undergrads to use it."
Him: "Can I use it while you supervise me? I just think the idea of blasting off molecules using a laser is pretty awesome! Is it strong? Is it something like a couple hundred kilowatt or something?"
Me: "... No it's not a couple hundred kW. I am pretty positive that would be a bad idea all around to try to shoot a laser like that at a gold plate. Or anything associated with DNA really. Look, it's not that awesome, really. It just makes this clicking noise and that's about it. It's not glamorous, and it's a lot of money to use and maintain."
Him: "Is the equipment expensive?"
Me: "Yes. More than our oligopilot and HPLC combined. Imagine what would happen if you were to break our powder x-ray instrument. That would probably be a pretty horrible thing, and everyone would be pretty fucked all around, don't you think?"
Him: "I just want to shoot that laser, man! I bet it's a really high powered laser or something, right?"
Me: "No. It's actually not that strong a laser. This isn't some kind of crazy laser beam from fucking TRON, okay? It is an incredibly sensitive, expensive machine that I do not want to see broken or mishandled in any way."
Him: "Okay, but if there's a chance I can use the MALDI, I totally want to try it, okay?"

Him: "So, I know this might be a little silly, but please humor me. Do you know what's in the mixture?"
Chinese grad student: "No. Merck would not tell me."
Him: "So you don't know?"
Chinese grad student: "No."
Him: "Do you think you could reverse engineer it?"
Chinese grad student: "No, I don't think so. I do not know any chemistry to do that."
Him: "Well, couldn't you just make some of the stuff yourself and maybe mix things together to figure it out?"