Name: Anonymus 2010-04-30 11:36
It being All Hallows’ Eve, I took it upon myself to partake of some mischief, at the expense of one of my dim-witted
classmates, during the lull between lectures. This particular individual had taken the dress and mannerisms of the troubadour
known as ‘Ash’. Forearmed with said knowledge, I equipped myself with a Mudkips, and in a quiet and secretive manner, I
struck up conversation with the hapless fellow, making sure that none were privy to our conversation.
“So, stalwart fellow, I have it on good authority that Mudkips hold something of an attraction …” I enquired.
“Mudkips?” Quoth he “I simply ADORE Mudkips!”
“Is that so?” I responded. “Would you then, if you adore them so, ever engage in carnal acts, that is – “And at that point,
before I had a chance to utter the final words of my sentence – “If you were one of their ilk?” – the fellow interjected most
emphatically.
“OF COURSE!”
“Well,” I replied, smiling, and raising the Mudkip in order to give him a sound thrashing with it, “I just happen to be in
possession of one of the aforementioned Mudkips upon my person, and - ”
Before I even had the chance to strike the blow, he had snatched the Mudkip from my raised hand, unfettered himself from his
lower garments, and was indeed making good on his word.
Discretion being the better part of valour, and not wanting to be a party to such a scene, I hurriedly took my leave.
Needless to say, it was not long before his actions were causing offence to members of the fairer sex, and in the ensuing hue
and cry, I slipped unseen into the water closet as the nearest sanctuary from the commotion. The situation was hardly taking
the route of my machinations, and I had my reputation to think of.
I left a sufficiently lengthy pause, to allow the proceedings to continue without my presence, and then returned, like a
felon to the scene of his crime, to observe the results. As so often occurs with such base displays in the cloisters, there
was now a growing gaggle of gawpers. Undeterred by the onlookers, our Mudkip-frenzied associate was continuing with his lewd
and lascivious behaviour, his cries resembling those of, perhaps, a troll being gored by three billy-goatse gruff. All of a
sudden, and at once, there was the sound blows being struck, which, to my mind indicated that the chap had made an even
poorer judgement in relation to his behaviour.
I made innocent enquiries with some of the assemblage as to the reasons for the furore. A friend of one of the rugby team and
attempted to curtail our friend’s activities, and had been savaged in the process. Taking great umbrage (and rightly so) at
this slight, the chap had called the rest of the team together, and they’d proceeded to give our friend some pugilistic
punishment.
At this stage, the constabulary were in attendance, and having a hard time making headway in their investigations. In an
attempt to quell the rising situation, the call to assembly was sounded, and we made our way back to chambers. The mesage
that was delivered unto us to quash any vile rumours surrounding the incident, or from a stance of complete ignorance of the
situation (neither would have surprised me the more), we were informed that someone had attempted a conflagration in the
library.
Upwards of one half-hour we were kept in the waiting, until finally, either in possession of the facts, or realising that
news of such an event would be impossible to quell, we were again addressed. This time, it was a plea for those guilty of the
punishment beating to make themselves accountable, during which the voice of a clearly agitated female could be heard
screaming “I SHALL SEEK RECOMPENSE FROM YOU, SCOUNDRELS ALL! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!” before being swiftly muted and blocked
from further utterances.
I later made enquiries with an officer of the law as to the sequence of events that had unfolded that day. He informed me
that our friend’s mother had arrived on the scene to rescue him from the ill-fortune that had befallen him, and had
threatened legal recourse. The faculty had retorted with their own salvo of potential litigation, citing lewd behaviour,
causing a breach of the peace, and common assault.
So, good gentlemen, I ask you once more: Likest thou the Mudkip?
classmates, during the lull between lectures. This particular individual had taken the dress and mannerisms of the troubadour
known as ‘Ash’. Forearmed with said knowledge, I equipped myself with a Mudkips, and in a quiet and secretive manner, I
struck up conversation with the hapless fellow, making sure that none were privy to our conversation.
“So, stalwart fellow, I have it on good authority that Mudkips hold something of an attraction …” I enquired.
“Mudkips?” Quoth he “I simply ADORE Mudkips!”
“Is that so?” I responded. “Would you then, if you adore them so, ever engage in carnal acts, that is – “And at that point,
before I had a chance to utter the final words of my sentence – “If you were one of their ilk?” – the fellow interjected most
emphatically.
“OF COURSE!”
“Well,” I replied, smiling, and raising the Mudkip in order to give him a sound thrashing with it, “I just happen to be in
possession of one of the aforementioned Mudkips upon my person, and - ”
Before I even had the chance to strike the blow, he had snatched the Mudkip from my raised hand, unfettered himself from his
lower garments, and was indeed making good on his word.
Discretion being the better part of valour, and not wanting to be a party to such a scene, I hurriedly took my leave.
Needless to say, it was not long before his actions were causing offence to members of the fairer sex, and in the ensuing hue
and cry, I slipped unseen into the water closet as the nearest sanctuary from the commotion. The situation was hardly taking
the route of my machinations, and I had my reputation to think of.
I left a sufficiently lengthy pause, to allow the proceedings to continue without my presence, and then returned, like a
felon to the scene of his crime, to observe the results. As so often occurs with such base displays in the cloisters, there
was now a growing gaggle of gawpers. Undeterred by the onlookers, our Mudkip-frenzied associate was continuing with his lewd
and lascivious behaviour, his cries resembling those of, perhaps, a troll being gored by three billy-goatse gruff. All of a
sudden, and at once, there was the sound blows being struck, which, to my mind indicated that the chap had made an even
poorer judgement in relation to his behaviour.
I made innocent enquiries with some of the assemblage as to the reasons for the furore. A friend of one of the rugby team and
attempted to curtail our friend’s activities, and had been savaged in the process. Taking great umbrage (and rightly so) at
this slight, the chap had called the rest of the team together, and they’d proceeded to give our friend some pugilistic
punishment.
At this stage, the constabulary were in attendance, and having a hard time making headway in their investigations. In an
attempt to quell the rising situation, the call to assembly was sounded, and we made our way back to chambers. The mesage
that was delivered unto us to quash any vile rumours surrounding the incident, or from a stance of complete ignorance of the
situation (neither would have surprised me the more), we were informed that someone had attempted a conflagration in the
library.
Upwards of one half-hour we were kept in the waiting, until finally, either in possession of the facts, or realising that
news of such an event would be impossible to quell, we were again addressed. This time, it was a plea for those guilty of the
punishment beating to make themselves accountable, during which the voice of a clearly agitated female could be heard
screaming “I SHALL SEEK RECOMPENSE FROM YOU, SCOUNDRELS ALL! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!” before being swiftly muted and blocked
from further utterances.
I later made enquiries with an officer of the law as to the sequence of events that had unfolded that day. He informed me
that our friend’s mother had arrived on the scene to rescue him from the ill-fortune that had befallen him, and had
threatened legal recourse. The faculty had retorted with their own salvo of potential litigation, citing lewd behaviour,
causing a breach of the peace, and common assault.
So, good gentlemen, I ask you once more: Likest thou the Mudkip?