Name: Anonymous 2009-11-28 18:24
I've come a long ways and done a lot of cool stuff with my life, but now I am a bitter shell of that awesome guy I used to be.
How did I get here? Why do I feel so helpless to change what I do not like? I feel like I'm at the lowest point of my entire life - getting laid off, living on my Dad's couch, watching tv and getting high all the time, and begging for shitty jobs that a high school drop-out can do, even though I (mostly) have a college education (minus the degree). I used to be manager of a college radio station for fuck's sake. And I was Editor in Chief of a college newspaper! And for fun I hunted fish with a fucking spear. You know what I do for fun now? I jerk off. It's like spearfishing, but for some reason you feel way more hollow and unfulfilled at the end.
I don't have any possessions that I'm truly proud of or have any worth... I don't own a house or a car and I have a fucking mountain of debt. I wear a long-ass beard because it hides my double chin, and I look like I'm wearing a Michelin tire around my waist. I wear witty t-shirts because when someone comments on how awesome or funny it is, that is most of the human interaction I have outside my family.
I've developed an aversion to human touch, even when it means hugging my family during the holidays. During awkward moments when it's most appropriate to give a hug or handshake, such as hellos and goodbyes, I avert my eyes downward in hopes that they won't look at me... I haven't had a meaningful relationship with a girl in several years. The only intimate contact I've had in the last four years were from fat girls with no self-esteem that that will actually sleep with me.
I have a shit-ton of health issues that I've been running from for too long too. I have multiple lumps, mostly on my chest and arms that weren't there when I was younger. My piss has smelled like burnt popcorn for at least 3 months, which means I probably have a fucked up infection. And I have several teeth that are totally fucked and give me terrible headaches all the time.
To top it all off the Xbox 360 is losing to the PS3 in sales right now, and that was the last remaining factor in my life that gave me any bit of joy. I seriously feel like killing myself now.
I don't know how to talk to people about any of this though. I've always been that happy-go-lucky guy that nobody suspects has any problems. I come to lounge because I feel like less of a fuck-up here. I don't feel the burning eyes of judgment when I'm with you. You don't present the frightening prospect of actually having someone ask, "Is there something wrong? Why aren't you your normal self?"
Why am I such a fuck-up lounge ? And how do I fix it?
How did I get here? Why do I feel so helpless to change what I do not like? I feel like I'm at the lowest point of my entire life - getting laid off, living on my Dad's couch, watching tv and getting high all the time, and begging for shitty jobs that a high school drop-out can do, even though I (mostly) have a college education (minus the degree). I used to be manager of a college radio station for fuck's sake. And I was Editor in Chief of a college newspaper! And for fun I hunted fish with a fucking spear. You know what I do for fun now? I jerk off. It's like spearfishing, but for some reason you feel way more hollow and unfulfilled at the end.
I don't have any possessions that I'm truly proud of or have any worth... I don't own a house or a car and I have a fucking mountain of debt. I wear a long-ass beard because it hides my double chin, and I look like I'm wearing a Michelin tire around my waist. I wear witty t-shirts because when someone comments on how awesome or funny it is, that is most of the human interaction I have outside my family.
I've developed an aversion to human touch, even when it means hugging my family during the holidays. During awkward moments when it's most appropriate to give a hug or handshake, such as hellos and goodbyes, I avert my eyes downward in hopes that they won't look at me... I haven't had a meaningful relationship with a girl in several years. The only intimate contact I've had in the last four years were from fat girls with no self-esteem that that will actually sleep with me.
I have a shit-ton of health issues that I've been running from for too long too. I have multiple lumps, mostly on my chest and arms that weren't there when I was younger. My piss has smelled like burnt popcorn for at least 3 months, which means I probably have a fucked up infection. And I have several teeth that are totally fucked and give me terrible headaches all the time.
To top it all off the Xbox 360 is losing to the PS3 in sales right now, and that was the last remaining factor in my life that gave me any bit of joy. I seriously feel like killing myself now.
I don't know how to talk to people about any of this though. I've always been that happy-go-lucky guy that nobody suspects has any problems. I come to lounge because I feel like less of a fuck-up here. I don't feel the burning eyes of judgment when I'm with you. You don't present the frightening prospect of actually having someone ask, "Is there something wrong? Why aren't you your normal self?"
Why am I such a fuck-up lounge ? And how do I fix it?