Politics

In layman's terms what are the following?:

Socialism
Left wing/Right wing (of political spectrum)
Authoritarianism
Totalitarianism
Conservatism

socialism: you share your gf with your bros
left wing: you prefer foreign pussy
right wing: you prefer domestic pussy
authoritarianism: you beat your gf if she cooks too slow
totalitarianism: you lock up your gf in the basement and use her as sex-slave
conservatism: you're a prude